THE SNOW FROM HEAVEN

Romania Phase 3

2011-10-22T22:49:00.001-05:00

Here are some pictures from the third phase of the time I spent in Romania, the Faith Bible Church mission trip!

I'm not going to lie: by the end of the third week in Romania (the third week out of my home -- out of possessing any personal space or time) I was dragging. I was tired and it didn't take much to aggravate me. On top of it all, I was pretty sure I was coming down with a cold -- just in time for the new mission trip team full of nervous first-time-mission-trip people to arrive expecting me to know everything. Including how to speak Hungarian.

Because energy is one of my best friends, coffee is my chosen drug. That is one of the convenient things in Romania: coffee. I learned to drink coffee in Romania -- I was seventeen and jet-lag had set in hard and heavy. Coffee had always been a disappointment to me before (due to its lack of sweetness), but at that point on that first mission trip, I wouldn't have cared if it tasted like tar as long as it kept my eyes open. (It's not good when the Sunday school teacher falls asleep during the lesson.)

Romanian coffee is ingenious: normal coffee is brewed as strong as espresso -- and you drink a whole cup full! Yay!

So I was quite surprised that on the first day of the mission trip, one of our enthusiastic team members drank five cups of coffee in an attempt to shake off the jet-lag just long enough to minister to some orphans.
By the time we got to the orphanage, the caffeine was really getting to him; but he didn't let it show and did a great job with the children anyway. The Romanians were impressed that he lasted so long.

When that first day of the mission trip began, I still wasn't sure if I were going to get sick or not. I desperately did not want to -- because I was supposed to be ministering to people, but I am not a very fun person to be around when I'm sick.

And I knew that would be my breaking point: getting sick.

So I prayed that God wouldn't let me get sick. That if I had the virus already, that it would remain dormant until the day I had to travel back to the US. That if I had to get sick, God would hold it off until I wasn't in Romania anymore.

The mission trip team was great. I was really proud of how they accepted several cultural aspects of Europe that didn't make sense to them: even though they were sometimes uncomfortable, they would be okay with those seemingly-foreign habits because they hadn't come to be comfortable; they had come to show God's love to the people. They respected and loved the Romanian people and were excited to tell their testimonies.

It was a blessing to me that the team from Faith Bible Church had come because I was physically, emotionally, and spiritually drained. I didn't have time to worry about anything because my teammates had already taken care of everything. I absolutely love it when the body of Christ works together and bears each other's burdens!

God answered my prayer: I didn't get sick at all during the whole mission trip! I was able to be cheerful and to truly enjoy God's people and His presence. The night before we had to fly back to the US, the cold started to manifest itself. I spent all three flights in a semi-conscious state due to Nyquil. I don't remember very well, but I think the stewardesses appreciated one less active passenger.

Ok, so I have now been back in the US for a little more than a month.

I am trying to live out God's love in my everyday life and make Him the center of my existence.

Going on mission trips always reminds me just how much of an opportunity I have to spread the light of the gospel in my own country, in my local community.

Where there isn't a language barrier.

And I (kinda) understand the culture.

Romania Phase 2

2011-09-05T03:21:00.000-05:00

The time between the mission trips (what I call Phase 2 of my short 5 weeks in Romania) is coming to an end.
The second mission trip team (from Faith Bible Church) is flying out of DFW today and will arrive in Budapest tomorrow morning.

Father of the friendless,
You have guided me and taught me; You are my Mentor, my Manager. You are my truest, most trusted Friend. when i see or think about the children who have no one to take their side, to protect them, i am grieved to the point of anger; however, You are the One Who advocates for those children; therefore, anyone who hurts those children should tremble because of the retribution that will come to them. Father, You are a loving God; therefore, You will hurt those who hurt the ones You love.

the One Who holds the hand of the timid,
grant peace to the mission team from Faith during the flight and throughout the duration of the trip. cause them to trust You. instead of them trying to control what they do "for You," may they abide in Your love, and out of the overflow of their joy in Your love may there come glories unknowable.

These past weeks in Romania have been a great learning experience for me. I had very little understanding of the culture and needs of Romania in the past three trips here. Although I still have a very limited understanding, I am not as blind as I was before.

Last evening, a Romanian pastor told me that there were three great issues in Romania:

traditionalism (a refusal to change)
post-communism
orthodoxy (The Eastern Orthodox church doesn't promote the gospel.)

So, I am obtaining a broader understanding.
I am also seeing the need first-hand: beggars (children, women with babies, men with obvious injuries) are often found where traffic must stop (for a train or construction). To the unaccostomed American eye, this is an easy problem to spot. There are also misconceptions as well as prejudices in the country -- such as the extreme prejudice against the Roma (the politically correct term for Gypsies, which is a derogatory term here). The sheer number and treatment of stray dogs in Romania is amazing.
Most of my time has been spent in the villages, which have a totally different set of problems than the cities (I have been told -- again, my knowledge is limited).

Being driven across the whole country to meet and stay with various people has been a major theme of Phase 2. I am sooo thankful to my heavenly Daddy that I have not gotten car sick. (God, i pray that none of the Faith team will get car sick.) We drove north to Baia Mare to meet with a pastor there; back to the Arad area where we attended a friend's wedding and helped with a VBS; west of Timisoara to visit RED Page Ministries; back to Arad; then all the way to the Black Sea on the opposite side of the county for a family retreat with BIG Impact.

I praise God for the time at the Black Sea because He refreshed me there. I was tired and edgy. Sometimes it's easy to do things "for" God while completely ignoring Him. At the sea, I was able to spend time with God instead of running around trying to make everybody happy.

Other thoughts about the Black Sea beach: I once thought Americans had no shame; then I visited a beach in Europe. I'm pretty sure that's all I can say about that.

I will post pictures of the mission later.

That's it for now, all you lovely people!

On Mission in Romania

2011-08-20T16:24:00.000-05:00

Hello all you lovely people!
[People are so wonderful -- the more I think about God the more I see how amazing humans are in general; therefore, I am convinced that thinking about how amazing God is happens to be not only the best way to appreciate people but also the best humanitarian project. Perhaps that is an oxymoron.]

Ok, so onto the exciting part:
I have just finished what I will call Phase One of my time in Romania -- the mission trip with my brothers and sisters from Trinity Bible Church!

All of the team survived, praise God, and only two are developing colds as I type. (You can pray for my brother as he flies home with his cold and my father as he stays to minister in Romania with his cold.

God was with us. You may not have realized this, but to do a mission trip that is actually effective, God has to decide that it's a good idea; you can't just say, "I think this would be a good thing to do for God -- He will appreciate it -- so I'll have to figure all the logistics out for Him and organize it; then, if I plan it well, it will work out."
God will prepare the people you will speak with and plan where you will go.
One of my favorite statements is: "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans."

My favorite part of this whole thing was getting to meet great people and make new friends and speak with old friends face to face. There are so many amazingly brilliant and lovingly real people to meet.

We spoke at three churches on Sunday, got to spend time playing volleyball and kickball with the youth and children, and did four childrens programs in four villages in Oltenia. Wow. One sentence can sum up what our schedule was, but it could never describe what happened. I don't think I could describe it all either.

Please pray for continuing energy for my father and I and especially for continuing love and grace from God to well up in us enough to overflow. A lot. Also, pray for the rest of the team as they travel back to Texas.

God,
"Into this darkness You shine; out of the ashes we rise."

Christ Is the Reward

2011-07-04T16:32:00.000-05:00

Anyone who has spent time in an underdeveloped country will tell you that his/her re-entrance into America was a shock: the billboards, the flashing signs, the convenience, the instant gratification.
The if-I-want-it-I-get it.

Most of the signs and advertisements entice the target audience by offering pleasure. This is a no-brainer. No company uses an ad that says "This is a horrible deal," or "Boring products that will make you sick," or "Nauseous food." Marketers try to get attention by insinuating that you really want what they are advertising; that your life will be sub-par if you do not have it; that you will not be happy until you get it.

This tenth commandment of marketing works because people are pleasure-seekers.

In his book, The 48 Laws of Power, Robert Greene recognizes this tendency of human nature and offers a practical application of it:

Law 13
When Asking for Help, Appeal to People’s Self-Interest,
Never to their Mercy or Gratitude

Because it details the fallen-ness of human nature and encourages success-seekers to exploit that nature, I like to call The 48 Laws of Power "the horridly insightful book." It's true. The laws are applicable in most situations. And Law 13 is applicable in every situation. What does that say about human nature?

You may think people in the church and in ministry can be excepted from this rule. Nope. All people everywhere seek their own happiness.

You may think this means that all people are selfish.
And it does.

You may also think that in order to be "good" we must be miserable and trudge through life doing "good" deeds.
No. We don't.

The ironic thing about people is that they spend their whole life looking for happiness, yet they overlook the one thing that will bring the most pleasure. They look absolutely everywhere: in an occupation, in appearance, in doing charitable deeds, in relationships, in magazines, in wealth, in poverty. They look for fulfillment everywhere.

Everywhere except the One Person Who actually will give it to them.

One of the reasons people don't look to God for happiness is that they think He would disapprove of them being happy. It's as if they think happiness is a sin.

God is the greatest treasure of all time. To know God is to be happy.

Note the I did not say "Knowing God will make you happy." Many people think that they must get "close to God" so that God will give them what they want -- because "getting close to God" is not what they want.

And why is God not what they want? Because they do not think God is the greatest thing to have. They've grown up with fairy tales that idealize romance and princes. They want God to give them a prince or a princess that will make their dreams come true. Do you see what they are assuming? They are assuming that God cannot make their dreams come true! They are assuming that God cannot make them happy! Instead, they place that expectation on a significant other: which happens to be an expectation that no human can live up to. To expect someone or something else to fulfill you is not only unfair to yourself and others; it is insanity. "Insanity is doing the same thing, but expecting different results." Have you ever met a truly satisfied person? I'd bet it didn't come from wealth or a position in society or a boyfriend.

The only One Who can make you the most happy is Jesus Christ.

Matthew 6:21
"for where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

Psalm 139:17

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!

"God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in Him."

Treasure Christ above all things. He is your greatest treasure. Compared with all else, He is your only treasure.

Beautiful Women

2011-05-17T23:13:00.005-05:00

Whenever I put a little extra time into my appearance, I am often asked, "Who are you dressing up for?" I guess it shows the general confidence of men that they assume a woman is dressing up "for" them. But this is usually not the case: we want to feel pretty all the time, and attempt to dress accordingly. We dress the way we do for a purpose; and that purpose is usually not to attract men; it's to make ourselves believe we are beautiful.

Beauty is a crucial -- if not the most crucial -- concern women have. We need to be beautiful. We need to know it in our very marrow. This need is present from birth and is not changed by old age.

However, we all have deep insecurities about our lack of perfect beauty. We all know the wrinkles are coming if they haven't come yet. We know about all of our imperfections, and we know it's not going to get better. That last sentence is enough to make most women bitter and the rest of them weep.

"ALL FLESH IS LIKE GRASS,

AND ALL ITS GLORY LIKE THE FLOWER OF GRASS.

THE GRASS WITHERS,

AND THE FLOWER FALLS OFF,

BUT THE WORD OF THE LORD ENDURES FOREVER "

And this is the word which was preached to you."
-1 Peter 1:24-25

Thus, many of us start to think that God doesn't care about beauty -- that it doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. Good Christian girls know that we are supposed to care about what God cares about; therefore, if God doesn't care about our beauty, neither should we. But we can't stop ourselves from caring about our beauty.

And that is where the bitterness comes in: we become bitter at God for not caring about our beauty, for not making us more beautiful, for not deeming it worthy of His notice.
Bitterness is not necessary if we realize that God cares deeply about our beauty.

"Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God". - 1 Peter 3:3-4

The beauty of our minds and character is deeply important to God. And, yes, God cares about your physical beauty as well, but He knows that you will be disappointed by it. He knows that it won't last. It won't last; therefore, if you put all your energy into your make-up and hair and wardrobe, what you are trying to achieve with all this dolling-up is going to make you feel sick. Either you will not be satisfied with your appearance now, or, if you are satisfied, when you lose your gorgeous-ness, you will feel like you have lost your value. Which is totally not true.

"Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments,
but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim to godliness."
1 Timothy 2:9-10

Although our physical beauty cannot last and our stylish accessories will eventually go out of style, God offers us a beauty that cannot fade and will never go out of style. A beautiful mind that has taken every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ. A beautiful spirit at rest in her trust that God adores her. A beautiful heart strengthened by principles and devoted to the God Who loves her indefinitely.

"Fix you hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."
- 1 Peter 1:13

Do you know exactly what this grace is that will be yours when Jesus comes for you? Go ahead and ask God what He has in store for you at the end of your race on this earth. Do you hope for heaven? Do you hope for your life there and imagine how wonderful it will be? You will be beautiful. And your beauty will never go away.

"Therefore we do not lose heart, but though our outer man is decaying, yet our inner man is being renewed day by day.

For momentary, light affliction is producing for us an eternal weight of glory far beyond all comparison."

-2 Corinthians 4:16-17

As our bodies run down, an opposite process is taking place in our spirit: God is giving our hearts beauty treatments. God is making us more and more beautiful every day.
We know our time is coming:
One day, we will be beautiful far beyond all comparison.
We will be elegant and full of grace.
Today's beauty queens will not be able to compare.

change my heart, God

2011-04-26T12:43:00.000-05:00

Lord of my heart,

how can i call You the Lord of my heart when i still sin?
if You are in charge of my heart, why does my heart still harbor selfishness?

there are so many things i do not understand, beautiful Savior.

my request is that You change my heart to mirror Your Heart:
replace my self-centered-ness with a longing to find the center of Your Heart;
replace my bitterness with Your love for others and Your forgiving nature;
replace my worry with trust in You;
replace my pride with bubbling-over gratitude for You;
replace my uncaring, stony, cynical heart with Your Heart.

Ezekiel 11:19-20 (Holman Christian Standard Bible)

¹⁹ And I will give them one heart and put a new spirit within them; I will remove their heart of stone from their bodies and give them a heart of flesh, ²⁰ so they may follow My statutes, keep My ordinances, and practice them. Then they will be My people, and I will be their God.

Ezekiel 36:26-27
"I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.
²⁷"I will put My Spirit within you and cause you to walk in My statutes, and you will be careful to observe My ordinances."

Exercise: A Complete Waste of Your Time

2011-04-21T18:38:00.000-05:00

Last Friday, my parents and I went to a city park to exercise.
After we got all sweaty and yucky, we took our smelly selves to Crackerbarrel for brunch. While we were talking to one of the super-friendly waitresses about exercising, the super-friendly waitress said,

"I used to pay close attention to what I ate and make sure I exercised and went to great lengths to take care of my body. Now that I really need to exercise, I just don't care so much about it. Why is it that when we get older -- when our bodies need more attention -- we tend to not give them as much attention?"

Fact: 10 out of 10 people die.

That is why, as we get older, we don't care about our bodies as much as we used to: because as we get older, the more we realize that we don't get to keep our bodies. We go to more funerals; we see the decay of others' bodies and even experience the decay of our own.

We know that our bodies will inevitably become worm food.
Why then do we spend so much time and money on something that will not last?
It's an understatement to say there are worthier pursuits:

No one's heart will ever cease to exist, yet we do not think about our hearts. Or even the hearts of our "loved" ones. How can you say you love someone if you are going to let them step into hell without even a word to warn them?

If you put so much effort into saving your body (which cannot be saved) and no effort toward making sure others' souls will be saved, your actions testify against you that:

You care about the way you look, but you don't care if the person right in front of you goes to hell. If all of us put as much effort into sharing the love of Christ and proclaiming the good news of the life He offers as we do into our wardrobe and into making sure people think well of us, I would be quite surprised if not everyone in the U.S. heard the gospel backwards and forwards several times in the next week. But I bet that doesn't happen. I bet we will go right on meticulously fixing our make-up, and avoiding potentially controversial conversations for the sake of our own comfort.
You don't really believe you are going to die. Otherwise, you would not waste your life on things that do not last after this life: your body, your house, your career, your education. You would do what really matters: telling people about what Christ has done for us so that they can have real life after their bodies die.
You don't think Heaven is anything to look forward to. Otherwise, you would be thinking about it and trying to find out what it is like. You would "fix your hope completely on the grace to be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ." 1 Peter 1:13

Our lives go by so fast. Please don't waste yours worrying about appearances.

Please believe that Jesus Christ has been punished for your wrongs so that you don't have to be punished for them.

Please believe that accepting that Christ has done this for you is the only way to go to Heaven, the only way to save you heart from hell, the only way to live forever.

Please believe that if you don't tell people about what Christ has done for them, you are indirectly murdering their hearts.

Our god is ourselves.

2011-04-18T13:38:00.001-05:00

Matthew 13:44" The kingdom of heaven is like a treasure hidden in the field, which a man found and hid again; and from joy over it he goes and sells all that he has and buys that field."

Matthew 13:22"And the one on whom seed was sown among the thorns, this is the man who hears the word, and the worry of the world and the deceitfulness of wealth choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful."

I am convinced that the majority of "Christians" in America are success-seekers above all else. If they had to choose between being comfortably wealthy or obeying God, they would choose the wealth.
So, you are thinking to yourself, "But that choice is a hypothetical situation. I have never had to choose between God and wealth, and if I ever do have to, of course I will choose God."
Choosing between God and wealth is not a hypothetical situation. It is a choice we as Americans make every day. And if I had to guess, I'd say that 99.9% of us (myself included) choose wealth.
We think that God would want us to be happy.
We think that God would never place such a burden on us like asking us to give up our means of "supporting ourselves."

Matthew 6:31-33 (New American Standard Bible)
³¹"Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?' or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?'
³²"For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.
³³"But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."

We do the opposite of this passage, don't we?

We make sure we have the money to pay for dinner and for clothes. We make sure that we have the "essentials" of life.

After we are certain that we can make our lives comfortable, then we think about throwing in a little "community service" to add to our resume.

What does this way of life say about us?

Our actions are testifying against us:

We believe that there is not a life after this one. Otherwise, why would we not even wonder about the next life long enough to stop seeking our own pleasure in this one?
We care about our stuff way more than other people. Otherwise, we would not think God were asking too much when He says
"If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me."Matthew 19:21
Our god is ourselves. Otherwise, we would believe that we should serve God, and that God is not obligated to serve us.

Matthew 6:21"Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also."

What do you put your heart and soul into? What do you spend your time and energy trying to accomplish? Why?

Thou and thou only first in my heart;

High King of Heaven, my treasure thou art.

--from "Be Thou My Vision"

The Tragedy of Human Trafficking in the US

2011-04-04T16:23:00.003-05:00

Click the title of this post to hear the radio broadcast.

James 1:27

Pure and undefiled religion in the sight of our God and Father is this:

to visit orphans and widows in their distress,

and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

Isaiah 58:6-8

"Is this not the fast which I choose,

To loosen the bonds of wickedness,

To undo the bands of the yoke,

And to let the oppressed go free

And break every yoke?

"Is it not to divide your bread with the hungry

And bring the homeless poor into the house;

When you see the naked, to cover him;

And not to hide yourself from your own flesh?

"Then your light will break out like the dawn,

And your recovery will speedily spring forth;

And your righteousness will go before you;

The glory of the LORD will be your rear guard."

I heard this radio program on Friday morning.

In it, Dr. Dobson interviewed two people who worked to get children out of prostitution.

Listen to this broadcast.

To help orphans: what all Christians are called to do.

(You can find information on modern-day slavery and what you can do about it here.)

the Source of all income

2011-03-25T21:09:00.000-05:00

God of wonders,

beautiful are Your works, and my soul knows it very well.
all beauty that is brought into the world is brought into it by You.
thank You for spring -- for the green that has come back once again to Your fields and forests, for wildflowers, for morning mist.

thank You for Your creatures -- especially the hawks that chose to build a nest in my front lawn and the chicks they are raising in it. thank You that You have provided a way for each and all of Your creatures to find sustenance and shelter.
thank You that You will also provide a way for me to find sustenance and shelter, and that i don't have to worry.
Savior, thank You that because You cannot deny Yourself You will be faithful to me and all whom You call by Your Name.

everything You make is wonderful, full-of-wonder.
how much more to the nth degree are You Yourself full-of-wonder.
i desire to know the nth degree of Your wonderfulness.

Lord of everything, we are weak; none of us can succeed or even live if You do not want us to. You are the Lord of everything, and You do what You want to. may we humble ourselves so that You don't have to. may we remind ourselves how weak and out-of-control we are -- before You decide to do that for us.

" For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, and he who humbles himself will be exalted."
- Luke 14:11

every drop of inspiration we find has dripped down from You; we are incapable of producing inspiration in You -- You are the One who produces inspiration in us.

may we accept adversity and struggles from You as well as good. may we praise You even when our lives are as horrid as they can get.

"Shall we indeed accept good from God and not accept adversity?"
--Job 2:10

We are because of God & for God.

2011-02-01T14:52:00.000-06:00

to Him Who controls the weather,
thank You for warm, windy days.
i know that the most violent storm on this planet is but the softest of Your breaths, but it still reminds me that You are in control of my life (my life being small as well as short); that when i think i can make myself or my situation better, i am deceiving myself. You alone can change my life. You alone can make me better.

thank You for the Vietnamese people -- please bless them and shine Your truth on them. teach them to correct the error of their ways and make their lives wonderful/happy/healthy to the degree that they used to be miserable. glorify Yourself by their beliefs and actions.

You do not exist for our good. You do not redeem us from death for our sakes. for us to think so is for us to not know You.
no one can boast before You.
You are the reason for everything. everything You do, You do for Your glory.
yet You are justified in all that You do.
Your happiness in Yourself and Your actions spills over to us, and we are happy because You do everything for Your glory. we are alive and happy because You are our King.

we are alive and happy because You glorify Yourself.

the entire creation eagerly awaits for our redemption which You are bringing about. the creation shares in our miseries even though it did nothing to deserve death and decay.
one day, we and it will all be restored to glory.

i know so little of You, God -- please teach me about You, please show me Your truth. please teach me to correct the error of my ways. please make my life wonderful/happy/healthy to the degree that i used to be miserable.

thank You for creating us. thank You for keeping us alive on this small, fragile planet.
thank You that You will redeem us.
please teach us to love each other.

be glorified in my life, and may Your glory also bring my good.

loveliness!
Your servant

The Only Profitable Pursuit

2011-01-13T17:01:00.000-06:00

to the Rule-Maker,

i need You. You are my existence. You know everything about me --
what others know about me,
what i know about me that others don't,
what i will never know about myself.

the secrets that You store in me are for Your joy and purpose.
i am Your creature; i am Your creation.

i am Your servant. command me in the way You desire.

do not let me be put to shame, but do not let me deceive myself with pride.
help me remember what i am and what i am not.

give me courage to be a servant of all.
give me love enough to be selfless.

may every eye seek You. may every mind know how famous You are. may every heart fear You. may every mouth praise You. may every action prove Your purpose.

You are the only profitable pursuit...in any economy...at any time.

My Afternoon in Rome

2011-01-11T14:29:00.001-06:00

A long layover + Rome =

The view from the hotel.

The way to get to the hotel room.

We stayed in a suburb of Rome near the beach.

Apparently, it never snows in Rome; however, it was December and Cold.

This statue looked slightly European, so I decided I needed to have my picture taken with it. I couldn't let myself visit Rome without having proof that I saw a European-looking statue. The plaque said something about it being put there in 2004 because some wealthy people had donated some money so that it could be put there with their names on it.

After our short walk to the beach, we took the metro to...

The Colosseum!

We got a much closer look than this -- then we walked up a hill full of ruins and found this amazing view.

To top it all off, I had gnocchi with pesto at a restaurant directly across the street from the Colosseum. What kind of music did this restaurant play? Traditional Italian opera? Of course not. Classic American country -- not the kind that sounds like rock with a hick singer that is popular now, but the kind played in the 60s. "The day my momma socked it to the Harper Valley PTA" and other songs I'd never heard before.

From this trip, I have concluded that graffiti is the most popular art form in Roma. And that at least half of it's citizens will die of either emphysema or lung cancer. And that I like red powerade.

God is the only.

2010-12-27T16:09:00.000-06:00

living God Who is in me,
i need You all the time to revitalize me. i want You to show me Your beauty all day long because it is what makes my life worth living. You are not only the best thing in my life, You are my life. Your love is my sustenance.
may You change me -- change my habits and actions. change my perspective to Yours. change my standard to Yours.
only You.
to flirt with evil is to be Your enemy.
i must make a choice: You or acceptance from society. i can't have both.
"not be all else to me save that Thou art." amen, Father, may this statement be true when i sing it.
please bring me to a point where i honestly don't care about what people's opinion of me is -- Your approval is the only one i will seek.
You are the best. You are the only. why do i still get distracted by worthless words when You are the only, and i have You?

Would It Not Be Wonderful?

2010-12-11T14:23:00.011-06:00

"You get more flies with honey than with vinegar."

I wish the church would realize this.

Too many people are so focused on not seeking/doing evil that they don't even realize that there is an epic good to seek/do.

Colossians 3:2
"Set your mind on the things above,
not on the things that are on earth."

Many Christians upon reading this verse think, "Ok, Self, don't think about earthly things. Don't do it! You are not supposed to think about those things, remember? No thinking on things on earth."

This type of thinking only encourages thinking about earthly things -- because we can't think of what to think about instead -- and we'd have to simply not think at all to obey the command.

Why? Because we focused on the negative instead of the positive.

We focused on what not to do instead of what to do.

If flight attendants only instructed passengers to not leave their seats or not shoot a hole in the window during an emergency, chaos would reign when an emergency came.

It is so much more wonderful to "set your mind on the things above"
than it is to not set your mind "on the things that are on earth."

Have you ever considered what "things above" are? What beauty and power and honor and wonder they might contain? Daydreaming about beautifully honorable existences is much more fun in my opinion than imagining horrid ways the world might end.

Romans 8:18
"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory that is to be revealed to us."

Glory sounds like a word that is only used in church, but it basically implies the way a pop star preforms: with fireworks and lights and glitter and wigs and clothes that no one would ever wear anywhere else.

Speaking of clothing, I wish I could wear prom dresses everywhere, everyday. But I can't -- mainly because my mastiff would ruin them with slobber. But wouldn't it be wonderful if I could dress like a princess everyday and do everyday things looking like a princess?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if we could live and thrive and create and love and be at peace?
Wouldn't it be wonderful if every word that came out of our mouths was full of grace and wisdom?
If we did nothing simply because it was what we always had done?

If we were kind strangers and blessed everyone as much as we could -- not out of obligation or a desire to earn favor with God or man -- but because we truly loved everyone?

Wouldn't it be wonderful if guilt did not exist?

If love and truth and honor were the way we lived and breathed -- and we knew nothing else but good?

Someday, dear brothers and sisters, it will be so.
Set your minds on things above.

keep seeking things above

2010-12-05T15:36:00.000-06:00

to the only Great that became the Least for me,

Your grace knows no bounds -- You have given me Yourself and Your love -- whenever i set my mind on these things, i would willingly give everything else -- that i ever had or ever wanted -- in exchange for You.

and yet, You give me Yourself for free. and i forget all about You, and start asking myself why i do not have what i want. why don't i have a boyfriend? why don't i have a spectacular career? why am i not the best? why don't i have respect and love?

when all along i already have everything that i want! i have the most beautiful Being! i have a love that is more than love! i have all the strength in the universe -- because the Ever-Strong has given me His strength. i have light -- the original and eternal Light! i have the water and the bread of Life! God's presence is the air that i breathe and the beauty i see and the very life within me!

everything else that i have or ever could have is of no value whatsoever when compared with Jesus Christ.

when i set my mind on things above:
*a career is meaningless and a waste of time
*the respect of men is superficial and fleeting and worthless as well as fueled by pride
*a relationship is tedious and romance is a lie
*the love of men is capricious and shallow

these things are not bad, but neither are they God.

nothing and no one could ever compare to the One Who saves me.

He is my hiding place and my paradise.

glory to God in the highest

and on earth, peace, good-will toward men.

Jesus Is; therefore, we are

2010-11-10T12:24:00.001-06:00

One day, I went down to the Sea of Galilee--
I say, I went down to the Gennesaret Sea,
and Jesus Christ came over to me
and said, "How can you be?"

I responded ever so silently,
For I knew that in reality
I never had been nor ever could be.

but Jesus Christ came over to me,
and said, "I Am: you will be."
(written May 26, 2006)(by me)

"He is before all things, and in him all things hold together." (Colossians 1:17)
Jesus Christ is all that is holding me together, and He is more than capable of doing so.

to the One Who holds me together:
You are gracious and slow to anger, quick to overlook my shortcomings. just as those who first saw the grand canyon could not express to anyone just how big it was, so i cannot express how much love You are and give: anyone who wants to know how much love You have must experience Your love firsthand; Your loving nature is ineffable.
You are life. You give life to the dead.

"The Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.
For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son," (Colossians 1:13)

Riding in Cars with Music

2010-10-30T20:49:00.001-05:00

I have some questions for all my wonder-full readers!
I would like to know your perspective on:
etiquette involving riding in someone else's car.

When carpooling with an acquaintance, when is it proper to ask your acquaintance to change and/or turn off his/her music?

Is it ever polite to do so?
Should you say something only if the music is explicitly offensive to the other passengers (e.g. listening to heavy metal while children are in the car)?
What if you and the driver are involved in a serious conversation which you cannot concentrate on due to the throbbing base?

What if you were in a car with four non-Christians, and rap with infamously crude language is playing? Would you not say anything to keep from being a holier-than-thou snob, or would you make it known that you don't approve of that kind of language because you are a Christian -- so that your fellow passengers will know your beliefs are also you lifestyle?

Have you ever been in a situation in which you did (or wanted to) ask the driver to listen to something else?
What did you do?
If you haven't experienced this, what would you do if faced with music that you simply could not stand?

Inquiring minds want to know.
Your curious friend,
Hayley

P. S.

I have been in people's cars before. It's simply amazing how much one can learn about a person by riding in his/her car.

The first time I rode with someone who played yucky, immoral music, I was shocked -- not because of the music but because I had entertained a completely different idea of who that person was than the idea I was getting in her car.

Another time, I wasn't shocked about the music or the person; however, a new Christian was in the car with us, and I was ashamed that she was the one who stood up for morality and manners when she said it was an inappropriate song for mixed company.

After that, I had determined to not let such an opportunity pass me by again. When I found myself in another car with young Christians and a substantially worse song came on the radio, a couple of other passengers expressed their surprise at the horrid expressions; but the driver did not change the station. So I spoke up, and the radio station was changed. (I actually was shocked by the song, as opposed to the other two times I described.)

I don't think it worked out the way it should have. But life doesn't work out the way it should, either. 

Engaged

2010-10-22T14:42:00.002-05:00

to Christ, my only Fiancé,

You are the One Who asked for my hand in marriage, and You are the One i said yes to.
You are my Bridegroom for eternity;
and eternity includes now and next year and ten years from now...
until this body dies so that i may live.

You will never disappoint; You will always understand me.
You will never leave me to go to work; You will work with me.

You will never compare me to other women.
You will always be happy that i am Yours.
You will always be the perfect Partner.
You will always be the fairest of all!
You will always know how to act in every situation.

You will always know who i am and why i act the way i do --
even when i change or grow into a different person than i am today.
You will love me just as much when i change.

when i dishonor and disrespect You, Your love will endure.
when i am cruel and do not understand You, You will still love me.

when i ignore You.
when i am impatient and selfish.
when i only want to talk about myself,
when i really don't want to hear about how Your life is going,
You love me in spite of my bad moods and rash actions!

You alone are strong enough to handle me. You are the only One that can take everything i dish out and everything that life dishes out on me -- and still love me just the same.

God, You are the only One for me. i have found the One;

or rather, the One has found me and has spoken for me.

Jesus, You are my miracle,

You are all of my miracles!

to Emmanuel, Who works within us:

2010-10-12T14:26:00.000-05:00

my Lord, my God, my Love, my Life!

You are my life; everything i have comes either directly or indirectly from You.
i need You. i will need You when i am happy and when i am overwhelmed with stress and when i am terrified. when i am drowning in myself. when i despair of all things. when i have all the hope in the world.
i need You and You alone.

i do not need what i do not have: You are the One Who has blessed me in this way. when i need anything, You will make it available to me. may i be willing to do all You wish me to.

i know that my life belongs to You and that You will do with it what You want to; therefore, may i give You everything that You have given me! do not let me withhold anything from You! You are the owner of this house -- You have access to every square foot of it.

may Your Church work together and actively keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. thank You that millions of people around the globe who don't even have a language in common can love each other because they have You in common. thank You that if my personality clashes with another Christian's, it is okay because we have You in common and we can bear with each other. may we all care more about our fellow-Christian's life than we care about our own lives. You loved them enough to die for them, and i am not greater than You; therefore, should i not live or die for others gladly? i would be being like You, right?

guide me, God! just as Jesus did only what the Father told Him, may i do only what You tell me to do/say!

protect us, God, and do not let us go back to where we were. may we be faithful to the end.

Ephesians 6:12

¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.

You know how much we struggle -- You know that it is a struggle. please strengthen us so that we will struggle on.

The Storm's Story

2010-10-04T14:08:00.000-05:00

[Note: Poetry is not the normal post of this blog; nor do I intend to make prayers abnormal. I simply enjoyed writing this so much that I thought I'd share it with you. And, no, it actually wasn't storming when I wrote it. It was sunny and 80 degrees -- my theory is that I was able to write it easily due to the lovely whether.]

I was in the wind
and the wind was in my lungs
   and on my skin.

i saw the Storm,
and i said, "Storm, come!
   and reign and rage
   and love and hate
   and do as you please."
And the Storm came!
   It came, and i was in the Storm
   and the Storm was in my pulse
   and on my mind.

The wind of the Storm laughed
   and tramped and danced
   and begged me join its crowd to watch it
   cause the clouds to rain.

i saw the rain,
and i said, "Storm, reign!
   and sing and play
   and drop sweet and bitter
   as you bring your way!"
And the Storm rained!
   It rained, and i was in the rain
   and the rain was in my mouth
   and on my hair.

The rain of the Storm soared
   and drizzled and sizzled
   and roared that I should gaze
   as it razed the dust of the wind.

i saw the hail,
and knew the Storm would prevail;
so i said, "Storm, hail!
   and save and stomp
   and still my will
   and break me with ice
   if you would like!"
And the Storm hailed!
   It hailed, and i was in the hail
   and the hail struck my face
   and froze my feet.

The hail of the Storm plunged
   and plopped and screamed
   and peeled off my skin
   and pierced my nerves with pain.

i heard the thunder,
and wondered,
and i said, "Storm, strike!
   and bite and light
   and frighten the field
   and melt me in reality!"
And the Storm lit!
   It lit, and i was in the light
   and the light sent my frame
   and features to your face.

The eyes of your face ate
   and saw and digested
   and regurgitated a smile
   that smote and burned
   and boiled and turned
   my skin into a hearth aflame.

Afterthought: I like thunderstorms. Scared of lightning; would never go out in hail. However, the storm of life is more difficult to deal with. It is reassuring to remember that God directs and calms the storm as He pleases.

Not for Your Entertainment

2010-09-25T22:50:00.000-05:00

[My father was reading The Second Reformation (the fourth chapter, to be exact) by William Beckham to me this evening. This post contains my thoughts on that chapter:]

The church in America has become a entertainment-business -- complete with audience, performers, camera men, back-stage passes, and agents for the superstars. All the employees and volunteers work over-time so that the audience will increase in number. The bigger the audience, the bigger the church-business.

So you might be asking yourself: Where does the audience fit into all this? They sit in a pew on Sunday morning and drain the "ministry" out of the performers. If one church does not "meet their needs," they simply move on to one that bends over backwards even more simply to get them to attend its Sunday morning show. To the audience, the church exists to make them happy and if a particular congregation does not perform, that congregation has no purpose.

It is clear to me that the employees and volunteers need to change their view of a successful church.

Petra has a song called "Fool's Gold" which contain this line: "I'd rather be a fool in the eyes of man than a fool in the eyes of God." Too many churches care too much about man's definition of foolish.
Who cares?
Some men may care, but to be honest, it essentially does not matter.

I for one am certain that the church exists for God.

Not to increase in numbers.
Not to bring in tithes.
Not to entertain you.
Not to make you happy.
Not to decrease world hunger or promote world peace.

The church is God's, and He will do with it what He wishes.
God knows better than you what His will is.

So, stop it.

Stop sitting there singing and start doing.
Stop taking and start giving (and I am most certainly not talking about money -- I'm talking about relationally.)

Stop insulting God by assuming that the church -- or anything "in heaven or on the earth or under the earth" -- exists for you.

Hebrews2:10

¹⁰For it was fitting for Him, for whom are all things, and through whom are all things, in bringing many sons to glory, to perfect the author of their salvation through sufferings.

If Christ -- the Author of you salvation -- was willing to suffer for your church-family, why do you think suffering for them is beneath you...or not worth your time? It was apparently worth God's time.

Do you assume that your time is more valuable than God's?

^{Philippians 2:3-7}
³Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves;
⁴do not merely look out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.
⁵^(I)Have this attitude in yourselves which was also in Christ Jesus,
⁶who, although He existed in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a thing to be grasped,
⁷but emptied Himself, taking the form of a bond-servant, and being made in the likeness of men.

I am preaching to myself, of course.

I in no way intend to cause disunity or the pointing-of-fingers. I am trying to encourage us to do the opposite. To take the criticism and swallow our pride.

To humble ourselves in the sight of the Lord,
for He is holy.

Philippians 2:1-2
¹Therefore if there is any encouragement in Christ, if there is any consolation of love, if there is any fellowship of the Spirit, if any affection and compassion,
²make my joy complete by being of the same mind, maintaining the same love, united in spirit, intent on one purpose.

We won't always agree, (and that is a good thing); but we can compromise. We can bear with each other. We are in a war together -- the time for quarreling amongst ourselves (if there ever was one) has ended.

The battle is joined; therefore, let us make every effort to decrease the amount of friendly fire, and to increase our focus on what really matters.

God, forgive me for my mistakes. may i never overstep my bounds. You are my treasure and my authority. You are my strength and my defense. please, defend me. i love You. because You love me. may i never forget Who You are, and may i learn Who You are even more.

A Dream of a Delusion

2010-09-20T15:11:00.009-05:00

dear God, Who knows how it is and how it will be,

i had a dream while i slept sunday morning:

a man and a woman had a teenage daughter. because they loved her dearly and knew there were many strong adversaries who would wish her dead as she grew stronger, they decided to create an alternate reality inside a secret chamber in their home. although they did not tell her this chamber existed, they left clues for their daughter to find so that she could escape to this alternate reality when she was in grave danger. when the secret chamber and the alternate reality it contained were completed, the parents faked the father's death while the father actually went to live in the alternate reality he had created for his child.
meanwhile, the daughter believed her father dead. she grieved while her mother pretended to. she finished high school and learned to get over herself. her mother had hired an ex-marine to be the girl's bodyguard, and while the girl didn't understand at first, she thought that her mother knew best how hostile the world might be.
when the girl's adversaries decided to attack her (as her parents had foreseen), they were unable to kill her, but killed her mother instead. devasted, the girl began the grieving process again; but before she was able to move on, her enemies killed her loyal bodyguard (who took one down with him) while she was away.

finally, her enemies overwhelmed and killed her.
she then found her parents in the alternate reality. she was shocked to find her mother and father as they had been when she was a child, but more shocked to find a younger version of herself playing with them contentedly. her father welcomed her, but she didn't know what to say. her mother explained what the place was and why it was created. she sighed when she told of how her husband had gone in alive to this place in order to preserve the life of his wife and child. with a bitter-sweet look, she said, "but that wife died anyway," and was openly regretting the decision. when her father showed no sign of remorse, the daughter became angry. she wondered why he would leave her while he was still alive and let her think he was dead; she was angry and bitter that her father had put so little value in the time he could have spent with her as a teenager instead of living in an un-reality and playing with a false version of herself as a child.

upon remembering the dream in my waking world, i thought it was horrible; it sort-of haunted me. what did this alternate reality represent? a fantasy world where the insane might retreat inside their mind, perhaps? or was it something more close to home (that is, if i am not actually insane already), something like a delusion that i deliberately believe because i don't want to accept the truth?

God, You know what is best. may i not do good simply to keep from doing best! may we accept pain from You as well as pleasure. You cannot be ruled or questioned. You will not be merely tolerated. nor will You tolerate what You do not wish to. it is never my call. never our call. always it is Your desire that is executed. if my will gets in the way of Yours, You are the One Who gets His way.

it is my desire that Your desire become my desire. may i conform to You in everything!

because You are lovely and fairest in the land and out of it!

because You would win every beauty pageant, and indeed do win them all -- since you created all the beauty-pageant winners. and losers. all beauty and goodness and light and love come from You and are for You.

because You are the best in everything.

if we would pursue the best in life, it would be the same action as pursuing You, God!

may we pursue You forever. :) *happy thought*

we love You because You love us. that is more factual than gravity.

may i learn wisdom from You,

but if i must be a fool, God, then may i be a fool for You.

You are all i have to live on. always,

hayley

to Jesus, Who is saving us:

2009-06-10T08:53:00.004-05:00

God, i'm sorry.

thank You for exercise. i know that You desire only my good -- may i desire whatever that is as well. may i not twist Your word for any reason. may i tell only the truth. heal my heart, please, God. take away my depression. may i be able to function. at a higher level. may all this pain not be necessary to bring me to You -- if that is the reason for it.

may we live as best we can considering the circumstances. but may we not be striving for something we can never have. may we be content in our worth yet not complacent. may we not feel or be guilty. save us.

heal G and may she not be in pain. may Your will be done about the house and Romania and D's future. may C find a climbing partner. may L and his sister grow up and leave home. may i run a marathon. may J not be stressed out. please make me be able to concentrate well.

to Jesus, Who values this life:

2009-06-09T18:02:00.003-05:00

well, the breakdown hasn't come yet -- perhaps the breakdown level will just subside like the times when i feel myself getting sick but my body fights it off before it can make me miserable. except in this case i am already miserable. God, i know You can, but i don't think You will. why am i so into myself? it's not about me -- i don't matter -- why should i care? You don't care. nobody else cares -- why do i care? because we are all in our own little worlds. and i am selfish. but i don't matter.

why do i spit out lies? because no one can answer the real questions. we have all tried since we have existed to answer the real questions, and we are left with lies.

i mean, You can answer them, but not in any human language or understanding -- or at least if You can answer them that way, You don't give us the answers.

a young man in sunday school said that he wouldn't care if he were paralyzed because this life doesn't matter. this life doesn't matter? then why are we here? because we don't matter? evidently we do matter and this life does matter because it is considered a crime to cut someone's life here short and because no one will tell me it is ok for me to cut my life short. not even You.

to Jesus Who can fix the breakage:

2009-06-02T21:08:00.002-05:00

o, God, i can feel the breakdown coming: maybe not today, perhaps not even this year, but sometime there will be a breakdown. that is the direction i am heading. i need You to change my direction because i don't know how. so far You haven't turned me in the right direction; therefore, i am beginning to lose my trust in You. i feel empty. and lazy. and therefore bad. God, You are my only hope, but i don't have very much hope left. i am going to go try to cry now, as i do frequently, but i know that whether i cry or not, it won't make any difference: i am still heading toward a breakdown.

to Jesus:

2009-05-28T16:41:00.001-05:00

so, God, we haven't spoken in a while, or at least i've been trying to hear you, and You've been speaking, but there's been some interference. that annoys me to no end. please, somehow help me to hear You.

now i'm going to talk at You again because i know that You hear me:
may my joy be full. bless R and her children to not waste their lives. i feel like i am wasting my life -- will You remedy that please? i'm having a hard time thinking clearly these days -- please take the confusion away.

to Jesus, Who is concerned with everything

2009-05-19T22:20:00.002-05:00

Darling, i don't like this movie. in fact, You know that i don't like many movies at all, and that the movies that i like, i probably shouldn't like because most movies are simply not worth watching. i don't know why i didn't come to this conclusion earlier. so, if You could, either take the movie away or take me away from the movie, and since i don't have a ride and this is not a laptop...

i know i can't change these people...but You can. change these people! turn their hearts toward You and away from their own entertainment! away from their movies, their sitcoms, their sports games, and their internet. away from their toys -- may they mature to their true desires. i pray all this for me as well. turn my heart away from myself and toward You.

Darling, please bless the Jat of India to turn away from themselves and lies and toward You.
God, there are many hurting people. in fact, i can't think of one living human who isn't in pain -- can i reconcile that? maybe i should read C. S. Lewis? someone once asked me this question: if all your doctrine and theology were proved wrong, what would that do to you? at first i thought that my relationship with You would not change; however, now, i realize that i would be very confused and that that confusion would cause me not to trust You. may there be nothing that causes me not to trust You. ever. love always trusts. i don't want to be confused either -- if that is possible, please help it to be true. You are not a God of disorder -- please calm the chaos in my self.

may there be nothing that causes us to not love You. may i forgive sinners, but not accept sin -- may i not tolerate it. not that sin is Your only concern. You are concerned with Your glory. and love. and everything. You are concerned with the movie that is going on right now and that is annoying me to no end.

to Jesus, my fulfillment:

2009-05-14T11:55:00.004-05:00

Darling, i haven't had a good talk with You in a while -- may we speak passionately today, and may i not forget. may You resolve the issues in my life and may i resist my enemies.

You love me even when i have pity parties and even when i am negative and sarcastic. God, i need more energy, or maybe i need to learn how to use my energy efficiently. but i know that You don't care much for that word efficient -- i'm so glad that You don't measure me by how efficient i am. actually, i'm not sure how You measure me, but i know it's not in any way how man would measure me.

i wish i were better instead of weak -- God, i don't see how Your strength is made perfect in weakness -- it sure doesn't seem to be coming through for me these days. sorry i'm being negative and ungrateful. i guess i just expect something miraculous instead of the mundane, but You use the mundane so much that it must be miraculous in Your eyes.

anyway, i have resolved to only look for my fulfillment in You -- this will be a difficult resolution to stick to, but i think that if You help me, it can be done. o, God, i am filled with so many longings -- longings for myself to be better. help me to stop trying to better myself but instead find the fulfillment to my longings in You. i don't even know if that is possible, but i know You can do the impossible.

i am being called lazy. please help this attack to stop. i don't think i am lazy. help me to not prove them wrong just for the sake of proving them wrong. because there are many things wrong with me, i don't want to think one more thing is wrong that really isn't. i am tired of being tired.

God, i don't know what to do to stop being tired -- to stop trying to keep going while the brakes are engaged -- but You do. set me free of this. You haven't given me a spirit of insecurity. or of fatigue.

i still want to talk, God.

to Jesus Who saves:

2009-05-11T10:55:00.003-05:00

dearest Savior, keep saving us.
please bless the Kol of India to know the truth, which will set them free.

bless M to do well on her test and to write a good research paper -- give her the energy for this.

bless J to recover fully.

bless D to do Your will -- whether that is to go to Romania or not -- and bless him to recover.

those are my three main prayer requests today -- what do You want to talk about? i'm afraid of failure, yet You have not given me a spirit of fear -- how do we reconcile those two facts? get rid of the first one. right. sounds so easy. but if i have to fail to get over my fear of failure, i'm not too keen on that idea. i wish i were braver -- wish i were more emotionally mature. i hate it -- i hate being weak, being stupid, being behind in any way. this is something i need to work on, i know. i just need to accept that i'm a loser and move on. now i'm pouting -- sorry. i just...can't i wish that i were better? i know, i know, i need to get rid of my pride, but at the expense of my self-love? You say You will make me love myself more -- guess i just need to trust You. dearest Savior, keep saving me.

to Jesus, the Way:

2009-05-10T13:15:00.002-05:00

my imagination is not very large, God, but it can imagine wonderful things based on what my mind knows, and the most wonderful things it can imagine always have You in the picture. but of course You are not like most artists portray You as -- old and gray with a long beard and robes. more like -- and i don't know what You actually do look like but this is what my imagination comes up with -- dark skinned like a mid-eastern person with short, curly black hair and dark eyes, grinning up at me. i don't know why it's always grinning up at me instead of down at me (because most people are taller than me) -- maybe it's a sign that You don't patronize me -- You take me serioulsy and are on my level even though You don't have to be. maybe it means that You are selfless and put me ahead of Yourself. and You always grin at me like we are best friends who know most things about each other.

where did that last paragraph come from? i mean, i came to this blog thinking, "i need to talk to God about this, this, and this," and from out of nowhere, i am daydreaming about what i think You look like. o, well. i don't mind. anyway, here are the "this, this, and this":

God, i am ashamed of what i did. i can become angry so easily about it (an about being patronized about it), so i guess it's still more raw than i thought it was. i will always carry that scar. but i know You don't want me to be ashamed, so help me.

may we all wait on You, and help D to keep feeling better.

all the messages at church today were about how to deal with a crisis; therefore, i feel that one is already here although i didn't feel that way before church. what is wrong, God? please show me what i am dealing with and how to deal with it.

to Jesus, the Truth:

2009-05-07T11:58:00.002-05:00

please help me not to give up so easily and to have more confidence in myself. i feel as if i'm getting stupider every day. i don't want to have a pity party, God, but i really do feel this way and i need You to help me get over it. You love me -- and You love me even if i'm stupid and weak? You say yes, and i'm glad, and it helps slightly. You ask me what else matters -- i just wish i were stronger in many ways -- perhaps it's my pride. i hate it when i fail, and i fail many times. part of me wants to become a recluse. o, God, i know i should be happy with myself and with the fact that You love me -- and i am happy that You love me -- help me to be happy with myself. may i know the truth about You and me.

to Jesus, the Life:

2009-05-04T13:50:00.003-05:00

dearest Friend, bring the Pasi of India into a friendship with You -- may they fear You alone. may all my friends and family be friends with You as well instead of seeing You as an appendage to their lives. may they see You as their life because that is what You are. i pray this for myself as well. may we follow You instead of our culture -- may we do what is socially unacceptable if it is Your will. may we not follow the old ways simply because they are old -- or the new ways simply because they are new -- but may we follow Your ways, which are timeless. may we compare everything with Your Word instead of accepting something simply because it sounds right or good.

may we say nothing, do nothing without first consulting You, and if we are in a situation in which we cannot hear You, please protect us by having us do You will. but i pray that we would hear You and act accordingly. help us to listen to You. instead of taking time out of our day to listen, may listening be our day -- may we always be listening. since our enemy prowls around like a lion seeking whom he may devour, may we be vigilent and alert. since You love us and want to talk to us, may we give You our full attention.

may i not always be having to drink coffee to stay awake. may i not always have to take medicine. may i arise and be radiant -- give me faith and teach me to pray in order to do this. give me wisdom as well. may i work hard on all my relationships, realizing that love is an art that must be learned. may i not hold grudges for any reason. instead of being depressed, may Your joy give me strength.

heal D's spirit. heal H. give M the energy to write well and to do well in college and to move out of the apartment. give L energy to accomplish the dreams You give him -- may he be successful in Your eyes. may S make choices based on her love for You. may J and i be patient and not wishy-washy. may E dream bigger. may K be serious about You. may the C group love You and each other so much that people actually want to join Your group. bless the R group -- everyone invovled in it -- to touch many lives for You. please help the garden to grow.

may we be so tuned into You that we are ready for whatever is coming -- You have not given us a spirit of fear; thus, may we not worry about anything or be afraid.

help me to remember that i am whole in You, and that i will never be whole without You as the center of everything.

to Jesus Who is not make-believe:

2009-04-29T10:41:00.004-05:00

Lord, bring the Doya Lhop people of Bhutan into Your kingdom. speaking of Your beautiful kingdom, may i see it even now. may i always remember it -- that i am of it, and that i am not alone in being of it. thank You for the books i've read and Your creation that remind me of it. i like it when the wind comes on cloudy days and shakes out the grass as if the earth had hair -- it reminds me of Your kingdom. i like the thunderstorm's arrival when the darker swirls reach down and the rain starts to hit -- if there weren't any lightning or tornadoes we could all go dance in it, and that would remind me of Your kingdom. i like the wrinkled face of my puppy when she lies down to sleep - and her soft fur -- and the joy of my other puppy when she outruns the atv. i like grey days this time of year, but i also like the cloudless october skies. i like meteor showers on a freezing winter morning. i like C. S. Lewis's idea of dancing during summer nights in Narnia. all these things remind me of Your kingdom. may we have joy and life to the full now. i am so full of joy and sighing now that i don't want to go on, but the rest need to be prayed for:

make D fast and accurate and may he not encounter any troubles on his trip today. give M the inspiration to finish her paper and presentation, and may she do it and do it well. give L a passion and a will to accomplish Your will. may all my family have joy and may we not worry. tell J what You have to say to her -- may she hear it clearly. may the P group pray what you would have us to pray tonight -- may we resist the devil -- may we learn and have joy. may i run well today. heal H. bless D indeed. bless E's family. may S taste and believe that You are good. may A's dreams come true. may all of us in the C group mature. may i not be depressed.

thank You for knowing me. thank You for giving me all that i need for godliness -- may i be like You. thank You for my church and my friends -- may we become closer in You. thank You for speaking to me -- may i always listen because i know you will always answer. if there is a time that i will be tested by not being able to hear You, may i pass the test, but i pray that there will not be a time like that.

please bless the churches in my area to grow and help people know You and be a good witness for You, and may people know us by the fact that we love each other. please bless my pastor and all the pastors in my area to become strong in You. may there be a revival in my area to the true knowledge of You, and may that revival spread to the ends of the earth. may we not pretend in anything, but may we find true fellowship.

please bless my future husband and children and grandchildren -- may they all be known for loving You and that be true of them. may we all live according to Your will, not ours, and that sounds so cliche, but i mean it this way -- that we wouldn't live according to our culture, that we wouldn't waste our lives by playing in retirement, that we wouldn't take anything for granted, but that we would see and live in Your kingdom.

to Jesus, the All:

2009-04-26T15:04:00.004-05:00

dearest Savior, thank You for candy and coffee.
please bless the Laowu people to love You and do everything they do because they love You.
may i do everything that i do because i love You -- not because i want people to know i love You -- not because i want to be great. i want greatness when You want grace; i want popularity when You want sincerity. may i be sincere and graceful and loving. may i resist the devil. may i not even think about being a friend to the world. change my heart so that i will live according to my love for You.

give M a healthy confidence and self-love and boldness for the gospel. may D not look back but forward and think clearly -- guide him. may i be able to forgive the person i need to forgive. may i treat love like an art and learn it well. bless L to grow up and respect the people he needs to respect. heal our hearts.

God, i don't know what to pray -- teach me to pray.

i am hungry for You. i want to give the all for the all, which is You.

to Jesus Who gives purpose:

2009-04-22T21:17:00.006-05:00

bless the Yinuo Nosu people -- bring them to a saving belief in You.

may my family be able to stand up under discouragement. give us peace and feed us with Your Word. may we all mature. may Dad not feel so bad thinking he has wasted his life - may he forget the past and do all that he can with the time You give him. may we all be able to really make a difference. may our lives mean something. tell us the purposes You have given us and reveal to us our passions. if now is the time to arise, shine on us and give us the words to say. may all of us be so busy spending time with You that we forget to worry.

may i ask good questions and listen well. give me confidence.

may G not worry - give her peace.

to Jesus, Whose burden is light:

2009-04-15T11:03:00.003-05:00

so, i prayed that i would mature, and you gave me an opportunity to be mature -thank You for this opportunity and that i didn't cry until i was alone with You. may i always rise to the occasion. may i not be so sinsitive, but please don't send me any insulters so that i may practice this - i feel that i am already practicing this enough, but whatever You want to do.

please bless the Sayyid of India to know You and profess You as Lord and Savior.

may i not worry about anything, but think through the things i should.

may i not give up doing things because i am afriad of failing.

i am so tired -- please give me rest in my heart.

to Jesus, loveliest Love:

2009-04-07T11:38:00.001-05:00

dearest Love, may it be that when You are done with me on this earth, the world will never be the same. and i know that will be true literally, but may it be figuratively as well.

reach the Luoluopo and stay with them and reveal Yourself to them. may they all have wonderful relationships with You.

bless all the kids that went to Dnow -- may they all hear from You and never stop believing. may they be pure of heart. may they love mercy and act justly and walk humbly with You. especially F -- may she gain a better reputation than the one she currently has, and may she be real about it. bless all the leaders/helpers who went as well. and bless all the kids at FH. bless S to be healthy in every way. bless B to love You more than anyone else. bless A to be serious about You. bless L to have true friends and be a true friend. may M be bold in her femininity. may K always have a good song to You in her heart. may T and i be friends.

thank You for disciplining me. thank You for every hard thing that has ever happened to me. thank You for people in authority over me -- may I pray for them and respect them. bless H to have wisdom in her authority. may i not look down on anyone because he/she is young and in authority as if they are too young to be there. rather, may i pray that they become a good authority and be blessed by You.

may we not worry about the emergencies, but rather keep our heads and act accordingly. bless I not to worry but to have faith in You.

give Lj a passion and a will to do Your will. help C to be able to keep the house. bless D to be able to get out of debt without bankrupcy -- may he be a good steward of what You have given him. may my family keep the house clean and live cleanly in every way. make M bold for the gospel -- give her the ability to ask good questions. may Y have a good root system, so to speak, in Your Word. may Sherm be able to concentrate well and love well and speak well until after Easter at which time may i pray for him again. may many come to You at tbc this Easter. in fact, may there be many all over my area this Easter come to You and stay with You -- may there be a revival here that spreads far and wide; therefore, speak through all the preachers this Easter. bring the gospel and open the ears and hearts of the unsaved and the saved. may we all live in such a way that we might die because of our love for You. may we not waste our lives. may i never retire.

love You!

to Jesus Who prunes me:

2009-04-06T18:35:00.002-05:00

dearest Savior, i feel terrible. i hate making mistakes. it's the worse feeling i can think of now. please may my pride not get in the way of learning this lesson. and may i learn the lesson instead of going into my shell and not trying anymore -- may i keep trying even though i make mistakes.

to Jesus Who listens to long prayers and replies:

2009-04-03T10:52:00.004-05:00

dearest Savior, You love me, You save me -- love, save the Muong people of Vietnam. bring them to You, and show them Your glory so that they will not waste their lives or destroy them. may they have life to the full -- i know this is Your desire -- please bring it to be.

ok. the Dnow thing -- o! that You would bless these people indeed! that You would reveal Yourself to them! that You would draw them to You! may they know that they are the present -- not just the future -- they need to do hard things for You now! they need to try now! now is the time, now is the time for them to arise -- may they know this and act upon it! i pray the same for myself and my family. may we turn to You and heed what You say. may we repent of our evil ways. may this be the turning point -- the turning point that turns us toward You -- and may there not be another turning point afterward. in other words, may we stay the correct course. may we love You with all that we are/have not only this weekend but also for the rest of forever. may everyone who is not a Christian become one, and my desire is that i would be able to lead someone to You this weekend. i pray all this for everyone involved in this weekend.

bless K! may he follow You and listen to You so that he will lead the life You want him to. may he not waste his life -- may he do all that he can with what You give him. please reveal to me Your will for his life as You reveal it to him so that i can confirm to him what Your will for him is. and may he not get anymore tatooes. may he give the all for the all, which is You. may we all be good sisters and brothers to each other.

bless the Y's new leader & wife -- may they bond well with us and may they not lead us astray in any way and may we all together be the tool that You use to bring many people to You. and not only bring them to You, but also keep them with You. may no one look down on us because we are supposedly young. but may we be a good example to the believers. may we take responsibiltiy and grow up so that no one will look down on us for our youth.

may i be able to forgive V and be a good example to her in love, faith, and purity.

may the P ministry grow and grow and grow! may we stand up under discouragement. may we not only get people to come but also pray without ceasing. may this become what You want it to be -- may it not be limited by my little foresight. may many come to You because of it. i know that we cannot argue someone into Your kingdom, but perhaps we can pray someone into it? because i know it is Your will that none should perish, and when our will becomes Your will, will You not do it?

may S be serious about her love for You. heal H in every way. bless everyone in my s group. give L a passion and a will to pursue it and take away his addictions. if it is Your will, give N a love for M that grows out of a love for You. please help me to remember those i should pray for now. may I trust You with all her heart and her family as well. may everyone at TBC give the all for You. bless PS -- take away any distractions or oppression from him until after Easter at which time may i pray for him again. rescue D and his family from debt and everything else, and help him to feel better. give O a good attitude and a bold spirit for the gospel. may G's faith and understanding of You deepen. may J enter Your rest so that she may hold to her energy. may E be my friend - and may i be hers. may You heal many hearts through the R thread. please guide me through the interview. take control of my emotions so that they won't take control of me. bless the garden ministry -- may it not be limited by anyone/anything but You. may we not say rash things. protect the EHs as they travel, and speak through them, and use them to the utmost of their abilities. may someone turn his/her life around because of this prayer whether i know it or not. bless the Bs -- both of them -- to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of love. if it is Your will and at the right time, may i find a job and go to college again.

i know i've said much more than usual, but i also know that You are not a God of the usual. surely there is someone else that needs prayer? o, yes, A -- heal her and her family. if her boyfriend is the one for her, may her family and she love him always, but if not may that relationship break up as soon as possible and without much harm. protect her and her sister -- may they both be used of You to bring the kingdom to Europe. may there be a revival across Europe because You are using them and others. may they develope their talents well and do hard things for You while You are healing their hearts.

bless C as he writes his final thesis. reveal to him what he should learn about You and teach about You. and give the Ms guidance and wisdom as they are new parents.

may we all be as trees planted near a good source of water -- may Your Word be our delight, and may we meditate on it day and night. may whatever we do for You (and may that be everything that we do) prosper.
love You!

to Jesus Who is serious about me:

2009-03-30T14:09:00.004-05:00

thank You for rocks and puppies and looking for rocks with puppies.

should we go to C? should i run the marathon? should we go skiing? should we do all three? should i go on the mission trip? should i do this college thing? should we use the camper for the P thing?

may i not be upset on my birthday. may i not wear my feelings on my shoulder. may i be able to stand up under more and more things. may i be a grown up.

heal H. bless L indeed. help D to get over his sickness. may M study hard and be brave. renew a right spirit within us. may i spend much time with You today and write in HB. may we not waste our lives. may we do the best that we can with the time You have given us. help K to become. may A and the others become Christians and love You with all their hearts. may S be serious about You. may we all be serious about You.

to Jesus, the Lord of the dance

2009-03-28T09:51:00.003-05:00

thank You for music! may i not listen to anything that would put bad/distracting thoughts into my head. may i work on my musical abilities more. not only that, may i work on all of my abilities more. help me to cultivate the talents You have given me.

may i always get my hopes up, but may i be able to handle it. may we always hope and always believe, always trust, always have faith. help our unbelief.

may we be strong in our emotions -- may i not get upset so easily. may we treat every situation, every word, with discernment and wisdom -- the wisdom that comes from You. take away my pride, selfishness, and laziness.

may we all fall in love with You by spending time with You - by hearing You. may i dance with You without feeling self-conscious. if i am shy with everyone else, may i not be shy with You.

give L a vision and a passion. may J be full of life. make M bold for You. calm D's spirit. o that You would bless me indeed. may B trust and obey You. may E's dreams come true. give N a certain passion. bless my future husband, children, and grandchildren. love You!

to Jesus, brighter than the dawn:

2009-03-26T12:05:00.003-05:00

dearest God, why are there some things that upset me that are just normal-everyday-nothing-wrong-with-them things? You know what i am speaking about.

thank You for coffee -- please help me not to drink too much of it. may i avoid all extremes except for being extremely in love with You.

may i spend all my time in the realization of Your presence. please bless the dnow and vbs at tbc. give me and D wisdom to know how to ask for things for and how to deal with the P meeting. teach us to pray. may we all pray without ceasing and practice Your presence. may the Js come to know You, Jesus, as God and Friend. heal H. give L a vision and a passion. make M bold for You. o, that You would bless D indeed. make us all like You. restore us. and may we earnestly seek our restoration just as You seek it. may we have no other gods than You. may it be as though we hate everything/everyone compared with how we love You. please may G seek You. and ground S in the faith. protect her. guide her. may E's dreams come true. may T love herself and be bold for You. may K become what You are making him, and may he seek to become it. may N listen to You. may i write a poem today. may we all not waste our lives - may we live to the full. may we not give the devil a foothold in our lives. may we keep the unity of the Spirit in the bonds of peace and love. may we be a unit of individuals that works together for You and those You love. and i know that You love everyone because You are not willing that any should perish.

may the world know that whether they like it or not, they will glorify and bow before You and confess that You are Lord. and from that knowledge may they come to You now because You love them.

lovely are You, my Lord, my Love --
dearer to me than thousands, my Lord above,
yet not only above -- also below --
below in the green-yellow meadow
where the wild flowers You adorn
more fashionably than he who scorned
all but You Who as man were born
so that You may know why we are forlorn --
now Prophet, Priest, and King, You rise from the ashes,
even as You tell me to rise with the masses.
You arise, and with You are the many You've saved
from sheol, from emptiness, from the grave
which You defeated in the heated gloom --
You saved us when we cried from the void vacuum;
You heard us even there.
You know our every care;
You're aware of each soul that dares
with You his mind share.
before You we are laid bare,
for the darkness glows to You,
but You are as the dawn in view.
all of all is Your story,
and in Your temple all cry "glory!"

wow, i guess i did write a poem today! thank You!

to Jesus, full of mercy and grace

2009-03-22T16:57:00.002-05:00

dearest Lord, please reach the Ansari for Yourself and theirselves -- please speak to them on individual and massive levels. have mercy and grace for them.

what do You want to say to me today, God? what do You want to talk about? what are You doing in my life? should we go to C? should we go skiing? should i run a marathon? or would those all be a waste of Your time? what would be the best way for me to spend Your time?

calm me please. i feel hyper now. may You speak to me always, and may i speak to You always. help R, C, L, J, K, T, H, E, S in the decisions they need to make and whatever else. bless D and M. help A to know that i am her friend.

This Year's Knitting

2009-03-22T15:10:00.006-05:00

I've had a desire to post something other than prayers lately -- even to the point of starting another blog -- but the title of this blog is appropriate for other things; thus, I will show everyone that, yes, I do know capitalization rules.

Today, I want to tell you about what I am going to knit this year: Last year I promised Marce and Teo that I would knit them elf boots since I'd found a simple simple pattern for them. So simple that all I do is knit - no fancy stitches. They are pictured above. Marce's will be pink, and Teo's will be blue. So far, I have had some problems with sizes: I made one too small then one almost perfect; then, I switched to another kind of yarn, making the boot too small. Then I tried to make one more perfect than the almost perfect one, and it turned out too big. Therefore, after four attempts, I have one usable boot for Teo.

Then I decided that this Christmas I will give all my family hand-knit gifts. The ski hat I will make for Mom (if the Lord wills) is pictured in blue and red above. Mom's hat will not be a surprise for her because I want to make sure it's what she wants. I already showed the picture to her and asked her what colors she wanted it to be. Because he is the only person in my family who actually wears a scarf when skiing, Lonnie's gift will be a scarf. Since he doesn't read this blog it will be ok to describe it here: The scarf itself will have a Saxon braid on it (according to Knitting on the Edge), and the fringe on the ends will be mulit length loopy cords. Along the sides there will be knitted rings/circles (according to Knitting over the Edge). Because Dad reads this blog and because I do want his gift to be a surprise, I cannot even give a hint as to what Dad's gift will be.

Also, with my scrap yarn, I will knit a curtain for my room. (I have much scrap yarn the supply of which will only increase the more projects I take on.)

All of this is only if the Lord wills and gives me enough time and patience to make these. I am also doing other crafts and trying to get a life at the same time.

to Jesus Who grows us:

2009-03-14T18:51:00.004-05:00

dearest Jesus, You know i am tired - please restore my strength so that i may do the laundry and finish cleaning my room. please protect my mother and brother as they travel. please encourage me and my family. You knowt that i want to win -- i want to be the best at everything -- but maybe You could give me success in two areas in my life or three. well, success in every area, but the best at one? that would be nice, but if not, help me to accept Your will.

may i love You and obey You and speak to You always. may my relationships be gracious and peaceful. may i possess and utilize the fruit of the Spirit. may i never stop believing or hoping.

please bring the Bhotia of India to You. thank You for everything. renew my strength.
give L a passion and a will to pursue it. heal H. grow S. encourage D. protect M. get a hold of E.

i know this is short, but You'll have to do the rest because i am tired. love You!

to Jesus my Encourager:

2009-03-13T14:06:00.003-05:00

dearest Savior, may You bring the Bishnoi of India to You. may they recieve Your Word gladly and as growing babies desire the milk of the Word. may they test everything with the Scriptures.

may there not be a big controversy about what i will give S (if You will it) that will separate her from her parents; but may so much good come from it that her parents see the good and are ok with it. may her faith be personal - hers not her parents'.

may i not be discouraged by my doubts but have the faith to stand up under them. speak to me, God, and encourage me. may i love You with a verbal love always. may i pray without ceasing. may i give you all of me. may i not waste my life - may i do all that i can with what i have been given.

may the JWs become Christians - the ones who beleive in Jesus as God. may they enter Your rest when they do.

thank You for gala apples and peanut butter. may this praying publicly help people and not be in vain. give E and M wisdom for their decision. may T get the job where she wants to teach. bless the RPM. bless B. may we all live and die in such a way that expresses Your value.

to Jesus who knows how i feel:

2009-02-27T12:42:00.003-06:00

dearest God, may You be the God of my feelings. You know that I am hungry -- for food and for You -- and that I am tired. You also know that my thoughts will not slow down. i am scared and impatient and frustrated. mainly scared. may i fear You alone.

i'm in over my head, and You are my flotation device: may i never forget You are here. may i pray without ceasing. may distractions not take my mind from thoughts of and conversations with You. please encourage me - make me laugh again. You are the greatest comedian.

give me peace. give M peace. may i be a peacemaker who makes the kind of peace that does not avoid conflict but works toward the best well-fare of those with whom i've had conflict. may i seek peace and pursue it.

may You reveal Your activity to me so that i may pray in Your direction. take me somewhere we can be alone. may i not be the barrier that stops the flow of Your grace. because You give me grace, may i give grace to others. may i be flexible when it comes to my plans.

please restore our relationship. heal H. give L a passion. give P confidence and boldness. o, that You would bless D indeed. he needs what seems impossible, but You are in the business of impossibilities. bless J to have a good birthday - may he and his brother work for Your kingdom. bless their parents as well. bless my future husband -- may You be his teacher, and may he listen well. bless my future children and grandchildren -- may they all come to know You well and not be satisfied with the little spirituality that i have been satisfied with. bless G because she has blessed me - may she find a more fun job for her. may E know that i am her friend. may T add wisdom to her energy. may C and her family trust You. may S and i be friends and may S be Your friend. establish the P ministry. bring many sincere people to the Y group. may i accept Your will about the R ministry, and may Your bless it. protect me today.

to Jesus, the perfect lover

2009-02-21T16:12:00.003-06:00

God, i am so excited -- please help me to remember You in all things -- remember that You are always with me and that, therefore, i should pray without ceasing. always remind me to pray without ceasing. thank You for reminding me to do that today.

thank You for soup and smuntana and mushrooms. my meeting You played out like a scene straight off the silver screen, except better. You are the perfect lover. and You have never left me. show me my purposes. show me who i am. show me who i am becoming. show who You are. show me Your purposes. may my purposes and Your purposes become the same.

God, please establish the work of my hands and my brain. establish all my works. teach me. make me good at gardening and whatever else You want me to be good at. I want to be good at everything, but I don't want to be prideful. may the words flow from me in righteousness and glory. may i express wonderfully.

please bless my future husband -- why have i not prayed for him on here yet? may he be as a tree planted by streams of water -- may whatever he does prosper. may he meditate on Your Word day and night. please bless my family to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bonds of love and peace. bless my children and my grandchildren! love them and protect them. give them passions that they pursue -- may they find the object of their desire. may they like vegetables and be healthy in their hearts. may they guard their hearts. may You teach them wisdom.

God, establish the P group -- send people to it, and enable me to lead it. ground the Y group. give me faith. please help me to guard my heart.
love You!
Hayley

to Jesus, my dearest love

2009-02-09T09:57:00.003-06:00

dearest God, teach me to pray. give me a passion for You. may i praise You even when i don't feel like it. may i have the faith to stand up under discouragement. because You never leave me nor forsake me, may i never leave You nor forsake You. because You love me, may i love You. may compassion and mercy be the words that describe me because they are the words that describe You. may i be meek and merciful.

may Your Name be exalted in all the earth. bring heaven to earth - may Your kingdom come.

may the P group be established by You and expand by Your will. allow S to love You - be kind to her and build her trust in You. give L a passion. give M the words to say. save D from debt. heal H. may E and her family trust You. help B to get the right job. may i persevere and be stable. give joy to the depressed.

to Jesus Who values me

2009-02-07T12:58:00.010-06:00

dearest God, thank You for this wonderful week. please make me bold, make me righteous, make me shine like the stars in the heavens. speak to me, and remind me to speak and listen to You. may i be blameless. thank You for being my advocate - state my case. tell me of my unconfessed sin so that i may repent. renew a right spirit within me.

thank You for the songs that You sing over me. may You and i dance the you-in-me-and-i-in-you dance. inspire me. reveal Yourself to me - i want to know You. may i not be rude or unkind, but may i speak the truth in love. may You be worth more to me than myself. may i love You with all that i am.

Jesus, may the JWs who spoke with me today believe that You are God - please give them the faith for that. make them radical for You - make them Jesus freaks. thank You for music - may i compose to You. heal H and grow her. encourage E and give her a good sense of self-worth. give J endurance and continue to give her joy and a good attitude. may S come back to You with all of her heart. give L a passion. bless D and M's situation to work out to Your glory obviously. may all those who are in despair believe lies no longer and have joy. may all those who are serendipitously ignoring You realize that You are their life. may K play volleyball. bless the C group. bless Your Church. may we always say "we." protect us. may my definition of fair be the right one.

o, that You would rend the heavens and come down that the mountains might tremble before You. as fire kindles brushwood, as fire causes water to boil, come down.

to Jesus Who answers

2009-01-23T12:46:00.005-06:00

(this post is the fiftieth after to Jesus, my dearest love)

God, what do You think about this? this is the fiftieth post on this blog; thus, i thought i would ask You fifty questions. ok? great!

1 do You love me?
2 do You like to sing?
3 do You sing about me?
4 what do You call me?
5 should i wear hats?
6 is it selfish of me to want to run a marathon?
7 what do You want me to ask You?
8 why do little kids ask "why" questions, but adults tend not to?
9 why did You make skin colors in nuetral tones?
10 why couldn't the big story be told a different way?
11 why does pain make us stronger?
12 why do i start looking up when i get tired?
13 why do i shake?
14 how is sadness good for us?
15 why do i always blame You for all that i think goes wrong in my life?
16 if there were no sin, could animals speak?
17 why do You love to create?
18 how would i spiritually wake up?
19 how would my life be the best it could be?
20 when should i start that prayer group thing?
21 how would i have an abundant life?
22 would You start the prayer group thing?
23 will You send the money for the garden?
24 will i shine like the stars in the heaven?
25 do all Christians get all five crowns?
26 are all five crowns the same?
27 is there someone i should pray for?
28 is there something i need to say to someone today?
29 is it a sin to be impulsive?
30 do You like to dance?
31 does E want to be my friend?
32 if i should where hats, why is it because of the angels?
33 can one lose his salvation if he chose to?
34 what does it take to obtain salvation?
35 why would someone not love You?
36 how can i be a good friend?
37 is journaling worth it?
38 what can be done to motivate me to write more?
39 what can be done to motivate me to take better care of my teeth?
40 what do i need to do to prepare for the rest of my life?
41 what is the meaning of life?
42 what is my purpose?
43 what will i look like when i get my new body?
44 what will You look like when i see You?
45 i still don't understand salvation - could You explain it to me more?
46 why did You create creation?
47 what will we be doing when and after heaven and earth become one?
48 what do i need to learn today?
49 what do i need to teach today?
50 what do You want to talk about?

looking at these questions, i think, "couldn't i have asked You something better?"

to Jesus Who is above every name

2009-01-21T16:54:00.004-06:00

o God, i love You. be my vision. be my heart. You are my life. may i be like You. You are my light. may i be active and living. may we be wise in Your eyes. may we keep the unity of the Spirit in the bonds of peace and love. increase and/or give us faith. may we walk with You without ceasing. speak to us. renew in us a right spirit every day. give us courage and boldness. may we take that leap of faith, and may You not say no.

thank You for this chair, my family, apples, my puppies, ducks, beauty, freedom, strength. bless Y to become Your servant and friend. may the C and I and S groups flourish as trees firmly established by streams of water. may whatever N does prosper. give L a passion. heal H. may E's dreams come true. may J be happy. please bless the R group to not make verbs into nouns - You know what i mean, God. o, that You would bless D indeed. plant a garden on this land and do with it what You want. protect M and make her bold. may C come back to You. may P trust You. may their families do the same. give us clean hands. give us pure hearts. let us not lift our souls to another. o, God, let us be a generation that seeks Your face, o, God of Jacob. speaking of, protect Isreal and may Jerusalem be clothed in beauty and strength.

give me wisdom and discernment for this day. o! that Your Name would be praised in all the earth, but You will be glorified whether we will it or not. thank You for my life. love You!

to Jesus, Who is going to do something about it

2009-01-18T09:08:00.002-06:00

o, God, o, God, i want so much to create and in my creating to be "successful" - to make money, make a living at it. and in this is worry and expectation. i'm sighing. God, i don't know what to do - i feel so confused - please take that feeling away. there are so many things that i want to do and not enough time to do them. so what do i do about it but sit here and waste time. so what will You do about this God? i can't wait to see.

to Jesus, fully human:

2009-01-15T11:50:00.003-06:00

i feel pretty now, but a few hours from now i probably won't. take my focus away from worldly beauty and turn it toward true beauty. re-turn my focus to my relationship with You. may i be spiritually strong, whatever that means. may i do Your work instead of trying to keep myself safe. may i eat whatever i eat to Your glory, and may i not be too obsesses with calories.

thank You for colors, for dried cranberries, for orange juice, for clouds, for sunsets and sunrises, for wool and down and fur, for Your Word, for good books, for all the wonders that You put into creation that we haven't discovered yet, for friends and family, for neighbors, for children, for love, for laughter, for the grace and mercy that are overflowing from You, for light, for dogs, for water, for life.

may we all guard our hearts and be wise in Your eyes. may Isreal prosper. may Jerusalem be beautiful and strong. may You be glorified and praised. o, that You would bless W indeed. may the house be healthy. may H heal. may E know her dreams will come true - may she not be anxious. protect L and give him a passion and pleasure in what he does each day. give M a good attitude and peace. may i be clean. may S return to You. may P and her family and Z and her family trust You. rescue my family. may the college group grow and abound in love and faithfulness. may the church be healthy. may we all pray without ceasing.

may i worship You Whom i adore

to Jesus, my first pursuit

2009-01-08T13:30:00.004-06:00

thank You for apples! i like the honeycrisp ones.
what do You want to talk about? please help me to set my mind on things above where You are seated at the right hand of the Father because my life is hidden in You. may i not be led astray by the elementary rules of the world or false philosophies. may i put the pursuit of You above every other pursuit - above marathons, above books, even above looking beautiful. may i do everything that i do for You.

may i plant a garden. may i sing, may i dance, may i play many instruments and paint. may we remember that we are complete in You. may i finish my project this year. may i run the disney marathon in 2010. may i memorize the entire New Testament. may i read 20 books in the next year. may i see myself the way You see me. may i not cut my hair again (only trim) for the next five years. may i be healthy.

may we keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. may M have a good semester - better than last semester. heal H. give L a passion. protect L and N as they travel on the mountains. may S use his money wisely. may we overflow with thanksgivings. may i be good friends with E and J and H. bless E to know that her dreams will come true. give J wisdom. may my extended family trust in You.

to Jesus, Whom i love

2008-12-26T10:08:00.004-06:00

"Jesus, You alone will be my first love." may i love You so much that is seems that i hate everyone else. i look forward to the day that You will make heaven and earth one. "God, i want to dream again - take me where i've never been - i want to go there - this time i'm not scared."

these are the layers of my heart that i know of: first, the layer that requires no introspection - that i go about my business not thinking of You; second, that i am cynical and do not trust You; third, (this is as deep as i can go - it scares me that You can go further) that i love You and want to trust You. therefore, God, i want You to peel off the outer hard layers. You have told me that it will sting, but that it will be good. You have given me a heart of flesh - may i not harden it. You left the decision up to me, and i choose to right our relationship rather than keep myself from a little pain.

because You love me, may i love myself. this is my special request: that i may finish my project - You know what it is - by this time next year, and may i run the disney marathon in 2010.

may i pray without ceasing. may i never stop believing. may i always be as a little child. may we always hope and trust in You. take away M's cynicism. heal H. may i give D to You. give L direction. save W once again. open the eyes of S. may E's dreams come true, and may she be patient. thank You for J - bless her and may i not be jealous of her when You do. heal A's teeth and shoulder/arm. help G to pursue her passion. may P be healthy and happy. may my family believe and trust You. may we love life. may You kingdom come!

to Jesus Who made me

2008-12-11T16:46:00.003-06:00

may i not create any illusions or give the devil a foothold on my life. may i pay more attention to You and love You more and talk to You more. heal my heart. calm me and excite me. give me energy. take away my selfishness.

God, i am so excited - is that due to coffee and exercise or something else? or both? my moods are slightly annoying to me - today i am happy, but yesterday i was feeling stupid, slow, pathetic. until K and J and i talked about our road trip plans - then i was excited. may i praise You even when i feel stupid and angry.

thank You for nail polish - please help me not to be vain, but to find the blue/black nail polish. may it be right for us to go on this roaf trip. may we (the C group) be as trees firmly planted by streams of water that yeild their fruit in season and whose leaves do not whither. may whatever we do prosper. o! that You would bless us indeed and increase our territory! may You send us a leader, but may we all be leaders.

may this garden project be all that it can be. bless D to accomplish all that he can for You. give M a loving spirit. give L a passion, and may he not be afraid to pursue it. heal H. lead Y to you. may You use me to bring S back to faith in You. thank You for E, H, and J - may i not give up on them, and may they not give up on me. may E know that her dreams will come true. may J go from good to better. please let that man at the gas station know that You love him. may the R thing be all it can be.

o, God, my God, thank You that the Spirit speaks my unutterable longings.

to Jesus, fairest of ten thousand

2008-12-03T23:08:00.003-06:00

loveliest Lord, make me lovely like You. make me like You as much as i can be like You. create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit within me. reveal to me any unknown sins so that i may repent and give me the strength to repent of those sins that i already know of. may i pray without ceasing. may i love You with all that i am and all that i have. may i utilize the gifts that You have given me. may Your kingdom come. let Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. may i not be vain, but may i fit into my blue jeans again. reveal to me what You want me to do about situation A. heal H and reveal truth to her. o, that You would bless me indeed! o, that You would give me faith and wisdom. turn S around to You - may she be Your witness. may all my extended family have a strong faith in You. may my family be knit together with love and keep the untiy of the Spirit in the bond of peace. may my unspeakable longings be fulfilled. i weep before You for my desires. may T and D sleep well. i am unworthy to be called Your servant, yet You call me Your child and friend.

to Jesus, the Healer

2008-11-29T12:26:00.002-06:00

i have not spoken with You for a long time - i have not been busy, only distracted. please heal our relationship. may we be best friends. may i not be legalistic, but real. thank You for Your precious promises - may i not lose hope in them. may i not be vain nor pitiful nor bitter nor too sweet. please heal my hurt and allow my wound to have time to heal - may they never be reopened. may i be beautiful. take away my ugliness. may i be strong in every way. may i not be rash or impulsive.
please forgive me and give me the grace to forgive others.
i am hurt - i have no words. please heal my heart.
may the Holy Spirit speak my unutterable longings for me.

to Jesus Who is more:

2008-11-20T06:31:00.003-06:00

i do not know what it is that is wrong - with me, with my relationship with You. I do not know how to correct the problem. is it something i am doing or not doing? please, God, You can fix the problem - please make what is wrong right.

please give me energy and rest. forgive me for my sins. lead us not into temptation.

i want more.

to Jesus, the breath within me:

2008-11-12T08:07:00.003-06:00

God, i need Your help to get throught this life, more than that - You are the breath within me. You are my sustenance. You hold me together. You are my Maker and my Sustainer. that being said, i need You to sustain me now, to hold me together now. i know that i need You to do this all the time, but it seems that i need You to hold me tighter now.

may i be healthy. may i not be afraid.

to Jesus Who fills me:

2008-11-03T19:37:00.002-06:00

give me the strength to do all that is required of me and more. may i become stronger. may i continue to grow. o that You would bless me, indeed! what is it that i want? only You know, but i would trade everything for it. this unspeakable longing! this idea that even when everything is perfect, everything is terribly wrong! these ideas are always in my mind - even when I am distracted. am i discontent? or am i not too easily pleased? must i wait a lifetime until these ideas are resolved in my mind? must i always be so empty?

to Jesus, the Word made flesh

2008-10-30T10:42:00.003-05:00

may i spend more time in Your Word. may i write poetry and clean my room out and pack today. thank You that i feel happy. may H recover. in my anger may i not sin. may i run a marathon (the Disney one). may i be able to run in the cold weather. give D the words to say. i trust You. i trust that the candidates that You choose will win in the election. i will not fear for the terror by night nor for the arrow that flieth by day nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday. i trust that a thousand will fall at my side and ten thousand at my right hand, but that it shall not come nigh me.

to Jesus Who loves me.

2008-10-28T11:05:00.002-05:00

thank You for making me happy today - may i have joy everyday. forgive me, God, for my rebellion - may i turn from it and run as fast as i can. but in my dreams, i can't even walk fast. but You say that in many dreams there is emptiness, but that rather i should fear You. may i fear You, and may You give me wisdom.

bless and protect D from sickness. may You do a mighty work through him. give him peace and may he trust You. protect me from myself, and lead me not into temptation. i do believe that You have given me the abundant life, but it is a hard life to lead, full of trials, but also full of adventures - if it were not a challenge, it would not be worth trying.

bless S in her relationships. may she call me. protect her and let her know that You love her. bless M to not worry - give her the words to say, and give her a good attitude. bless L with something to replace his bad habits. bless N to not be afraid to do what You tell him to. bless H to be healed - help her to be able to eat.

to Jesus under Whose wings i trust

2008-10-25T15:14:00.002-05:00

may i be content but not too easily pleased. may i fulfill my mission in life. may the dreams you have for me come to be. may i really care. may i fulfill prophesies. may i do so unselfishly.

heal me, for i am broken. protect me, for i am weak. fill me, for i am empty. may my life be full. may it not be a waste; may it not be spent foolishly.

to Jesus Who brings healing:

2008-10-23T18:05:00.002-05:00

dear Jesus, You know that i need healing now, for i am broken to pieces. i have broken my own heart, but i am not my own worst enemy. i know that i have an enemy who wants to steal, kill, and destroy, but i also know that You Who are in me are greater than him. i trust You, God, even when i don't trust myself. i have to trust You - You are the only one to trust. You are worthy of my trust. You are my safe place, my rock, my fortress. give me and my parents wisdom and discernment in this time.

may H be able to eat regular food, and may she and i brush our teeth. take E's fear away, and give her the desires of her heart. replace L's bad habit with something good. protect S and have her call me. may N have abundant life. may D not worry. give M a sound mind. may R and O come to know you. may i tell You my sorrows, and may You tell me my story. may You heal my wounds and whipe away my tears. You kingdom come.

to Jesus Who is formed in me.

2008-10-20T16:23:00.003-05:00

may we live according to truth, according to the fact that we are co-heirs with Christ, that we have come of age and that You have empowered us to do Your will. take away our fear and our confusion. may we have faith in You so that we may do good works. i believe You when You say that You have put Your words in my mouth - may i speak only the truth and that only in love. may i work diligently and may You bless my efforts and may this task be finished in less than a year.

heal H - may i knit her something that she can tolerate and thrive in. give E abundant life if You have not done so already. open the eyes of B. give faith and courage to N. replace L's addiction with something not just good, but great. may M and U not look back. help W to know who is for her. may the demonic oppression of G cease and may she come to know You and may her relationship with F strengthen. may S call me and may she listen and obey You and trust You and come to know You and love and depend on You - may all this happen or at least start because of the phone call.

thank You for orange juice. i am ready for more good things, God - may i expect them.
lead the girl i talked to all those years ago. protect the girl i prayed for in the bathroom. give the man i prayed for at ihop an abundant life in You - indeed how can anyone have an abundant life apart from You? may D sleep well and gain much wisdom tomorrow and may he apply it to the future. Bless A. give O an irreplaceable role in a grand adventure.

love You!
-Hayley

to Jesus Who came that we might have abundant life

2008-10-19T09:49:00.003-05:00

God, i am so happy - it's finally clicked - i finally understand. i've been asking You for abundant life all this time, pleading with You for it, and now You have told me through the encouragement of a friend that You already gave it to me. Not that my life before was abundant, but that i just did not know how to utilize Your gift of abundant life - in other words, in a way, one has to choose the abundant life in that he must choose to think only beneficial thoughts, choose not to listen to the lies of satan. God, You know that i struggle with certain thoughts; therefore, please help me to choose not to think about them when satan sends a doubt or a lie into my mind. i am free to choose what i want to, and satan is defeated.

thank You for my friends who prayed with me last night. i was wondering why You thought i needed such encouragement since the last two days had gone so well, but i think You wanted me to just go from good to better, and i'll take that any day. i also know that You want me to go from better to best and that this is Your will for all Your children.

please heal H and allow her to keep her good attitude as well. may she grow in You and go from better to best. open the eyes of B and cause him to overflow with love for the brethren. give N rest and may she trust You; i pray the same for P. may the man who raped E's cousin get out of her life. help my cousins to walk in You. may S find the abundant life. heal W's heart. bless the efforts of the brethren in Romania - may the renewal of hearts keep happening there and spread through all of Europe and to other places, too. may the rebelution be a good thing, and may You use it to revive godly passions in Romania. send L a mission that he will accomplish; i pray the same for M. may my relationships keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. may C and G see that they have more children than women who bore children physically and may they rejoice. give G confidance and C good health in every way. protect my family. may J see herself through Your eyes. Bless O and A. help Y to know the importance of prayer. because You say that those who trust in You will never be put to shame, take away the knight's shame, and replace it with boldness for You.

because You live in my heart, may i think good thoughts.
and may we all go from good to better and from better to best.
love You, God.

to Jesus Who speaks with me

2008-10-17T18:55:00.004-05:00

thank You for the cooler weather and for sweaters and for coffee and milkshakes. thank You for memories that make life seem good. thank You for music and dancing and celebrations. thank You for the somber times when we think more than we usually do. thank You for fireplaces. hahaha. thank You for cloudy fall days when the wind paints the sky with leaves.

please help H, S, D, M, K, C, J, G, L, N, E, T, and me, and everyone else who needs help - that's everyone: because we are in the turmoil of the battle, and it is our most desperate hour, rescue us, for You cannot deny Yourself. may we never forget that we need You desperately, never become complacent. open our eyes and give us discernment. may we follow You closely and obey Your every command because Your commands must be obeyed at once if we wish to make it out with our lives. You are our guide. You are our captain, and on this ship (not to mention everywhere else), Your word is supreme.

God, may these people i listed be the change You want to happen. the whole world is in pain - may we be a part of what You are doing about that. it does not have to be going to Sudan as a missionary doctor, but i ask that it would be radical and glorious.

so many people are confused! i am confused! but You are not a God of disorder, but of order; therefore, take away our confusion and allow us to see clearly.

a friend said that she was sad that i did not think i had the abundant life yet, and that makes me wonder - what is the abundant life like? i think that if i were able to talk to You most of the time and talk about You at the other times, that would be an abundant life. it is so sweet to talk with You - i wish You would talk more often, and that i would remember what You say more often.

to Jesus, Light of the world

2008-10-16T14:24:00.002-05:00

dear Savior, You rescue me every day. sanctify us. glorify us. rescue H and heal her. open the eyes of S and rescue her from doubt and lies; help D as well to love You and serve You. rescue their relationship. bless all the people who are praying for me to do hard things with joy and may their efforts be multiplied. help J to understand the truth about prayer and how that fits into Your plan. rescue K from her troubles and may her roommate get to know You with joy.

i trust You, God. i'm counting on You. may i trust You always and may my dreams come true soon and long before this body dies. "The exile will soon be set free, and will not die in the dungeon." - Isaiah 51:14

help C and give him peace. may L and N and S and I find our passions and pursue them and hang on. may we not give up. may we keep looking if we do not find. may we keep asking if we do not receive. may my Bible study group be happy and joyful and solemn at the same time - may we aid each other in our walks and be good friends.

may the conference in Romania yeild more fruit than has been yeilded there in the past ninteen years together - may D's visit there start a fire for You that does not go out for the next ninteen years - may a revival start there now that spreads to all of Europe, and may London go from its current few faithful to millions of faithful over night, and may those millions go all over the world and preach the gospel as You know it. may the deamons that terrify in New Guinea be silenced. bless the Chapmans - may their work bring revival to the South Pacific. may America not be lost - may the light in it be like a city (a bright one) on a hill. may Your Word be preached all over the world to every nation, tribe, and tongue. the whole world is in pain, but we trust that You are doing something about it.

give the children of the rebelution perseverence. use me to open eyes to the truth; thus, open my eyes so that i will not speak falsely. restore my relationship with my brother; may i forgive and respect him even if he does not do so for me. please protect me and my family. heal and strengthen my family. heal and strengthen N's family. may we all realize the family's importance and may we not forsake our own. may we love our brothers and sisters in You, and may we love You more every day.

"bless all the dear children in Thy tender care, and take us to heaven to live with Thee there."

to Jesus Who binds up the broken hearted

2008-10-15T09:36:00.003-05:00

God, i will not speak to You of dark things because i know that they are foolish and weak, but i will tell you that, as You know, they have encircled me. You and i know that they are foolish and weak, but what will it do for Your Name if they overcome me? since You cannot deny Yourself, rescue me and give me a good footing. set my feet in a large place.

many things i have asked for, and it seems that You have given me none of them; but i will keep asking anyway because You are my only hope. so i'm asking: take this thorn away from me. if there is a light at the end of this tunnel, may it come soon and not at the end of my life here.

You were sent to proclaim freedom for the prisoners - so why am i not free? i'm sorry that i'm complaining, but You have not answered me. if this is all the freedom i get...but i know it is not. i would ask my questions to someone else, but You are the only one to ask. i will not stop asking until You answer me. i will wait until You tell me why You are not giving me what i want or until You give me what i want.

the storms rage and You will not speak to me. i will become more undignified than this. i will scream and cry and throw a tantrum until You answer me. but i doubt You are the least bit worried by this.

protect me! help me! bless me! renew a right spirit within me! restore me! give me an abundant life!

*edit*
ok, God, i trust You. You told me that You will take my thorn away soon and that i will not die before You do that. i trust You.

to Jesus, Who makes heaven and earth one

2008-10-10T16:37:00.005-05:00

speak to me - reveal Yourself to me - i want to get to know You - tell me about Yourself.

fill C completely with love. speak to B and open her eyes. may the conference in Romania bring many to You. please may it be part of the work You are doing there. please may it renew and revive hearts. may it be the spark that starts the fire. please bless the youth meetings - may the youth truly long for Your kingdom, and may they live out the gospel. may they hate their families and boyfriends/girlfriends compared to the way they feel for You. do not only give them passion but also the courage to do hard things. may Romania be blessed for many generations through the efforts of this generation. may the same be true in America - may many generations of Americans be blessed through the wisdom and courage and grit that You give this generation. may our parents not be able to even think that we do not work as hard as they did. may we grow up now instead of later.

may i know what is Your good and perfect will, and may Your will be done.

may best come to best. let it be said that if it can go right, it will.
"let freedom ring! let the white dove sing! let the whole world know that today is the day of reckoning. let the weak be strong; let the right be wrong. let the guilty pay. it's independence day."
wake the dead, and may the foolish shame the wise of this world.

to Jesus, Who uses the weak to shame the strong

2008-10-08T10:22:00.003-05:00

may heaven and earth be one; may the city coming down come soon; may Your kingdom come. may i not lose sight of Your kingdom nor listen to lies. if i am a sea lion, may i find the ocean. if i am asleep, may i wake up. may my true desires be fulfilled. may E's true desires come true - may she pray and know that they will come true.

God, i know that i am impatient, but it just seems that i've been waiting my whole life for the day that i will begin to live. since You said that You came so that i would not only live but live abundantly, i have to ask when that promise will happen. You and i know that my current life is not life abundant even if others might say that it is. i know that all of Your promises will be fulfilled. is there something i'm doing or not doing that is keeping You from giving me abundant life? is it just not time for me to have it? i believe that You want me to live abundantly now; so what is keeping me from doing that?

may You heal H. keep D safe and make him successful. give L and N passions and visions for their lives. open the eyes of J and her ears as well. give M and me wisdom and words of encouragement. may we all study You and Your Word. keep us all safe in Your will. give S discernment as well as love. give my family faith. may A not listen to lies.

You are so lovely; You are my righteousness; You are my inspiration - may i write volumes with Your beauty on every page, Your truth in every word, Your grace in every sentence.

may You send workers into the fields, for the harvest is plenty. send me.

to Jesus Christ

2008-10-05T05:21:00.003-05:00

good morning, God! may i be happy today - You are happy at my happiness. thank You for creating happiness.

help J to have a healthy concept of herself and her body. may she realize that You know she is beautiful, and may she know it as well. i pray all this for myself and all other girls as well, but especially for J.

may we not be fools in Your eyes. may i do with my life what You would have me do with it. may my words be Your words which are as the snow that does not return to You void. may i speak only the truth. may i be holy as You are holy. thank You that You not only erased my sin but also gave me Your righteouseness - You are so wonder-filled - maybe one day You will reveal to me Your mysteries, but until then, thank You that the gospel is simple enough for me.

i am not a good sport - i do not take losing lightly - i am so prideful - it hurts me that i am so weak, yet Your strength is made perfect in weakness. i should rejoice in my weaknesses. please correct this problem in my life - that i would be able to learn from my failures and boast in my weaknesses.

thank You for music. please bless my future husband and children - may we accomplish much for Your kingdom, and may we never lose sight of Your kingdom.

may i use my time wisely. may i be a good and faithful servant. protect Dad. may these next six weeks be productive and amazing for my family at least. You are the most important part of me, of my family - help me to remember that fact and that no one else can satisfy. may i be content that faith would be the proof of You. i love You, God, and i miss You.

2008-09-30T12:29:00.002-05:00

how can i trust what You say when i hear so many contradicting voices? should i stop listening all together? only listen to the Bible? You are not a God of confusion, yet i am confused - please take away the blinders and allow me to see the truth. i want to know! may i always pay homage to You and not to human nature.

be gracious to us! the whole world is in pain, and i trust that You are doing something about it.

Psalm 123:
To You I lift up my eyes,
O You who are enthroned in the heavens!
Behold, as the eyes of servants look to the hand of their master,
As the eyes of a maid to the hand of her mistress,
So our eyes look to the Lord our God,
Until He is gracious to us.
Be gracious to us, O Lord, be gracious to us,
For we are greatly filled with contempt.
Our soul is greatly filled
With the scoffing of those who are at ease,
And with the contempt of the proud.

to Jesus, my Savior:

2008-09-15T13:04:00.002-05:00

sometimes i wonder why You don't save me extaordinarily - in other words in a way that the whole world would see and be amazed. but my salvation is quiet - You choose to save me in a way that even i can't see it; nor am i amazed. everything seems quite ordinary. do You not "move the mountains" in order to test my faith? to see if i love You not just for the amazing things that You do? C. S. Lewis said that "we are far too easily pleased," and You say that i have not because i ask not, but i've been asking: o, that You would rend the heavens and come down! move the mountains, win the war, glorify Your Name, vindicateYourself. do a great work in me - make me wise and succesful in Your eyes; may the books be written, may many be saved. that's what i've been asking, but You seem to be saying no. perhaps i'm not meant to know why.

the day is beautiful - thank You for making it.
all the things You do, and nobody praises You for them! all You get is people like me asking You why You don't do more! maybe we will see clearly at the judgment.
may i find Your way for my life.
protect my family. give me grace so that i may give it to L- and N-. give me love so that i may give it to M. may my life bless You.

to Jesus, Who never leaves me nor forsakes me:

2008-09-08T18:22:00.002-05:00

this is how i feel: that You have abandoned me. i know that this is a lie. but i have literally never seen You. i fear that You will not take away my pain until the next life - i do not know this to be an irrational fear. but may it be that even if You do not save me, i will not bow down to any god (besides You).

how long will You have me edure this? may i never be ashamed.

to Jesus, Who is divine:

2008-09-06T14:57:00.002-05:00

i know that i am not better than anyone else, yet i am righteous.
i know that i am just as wicked as everyone else, yet i am good.
that i am weak, yet i am strong. that i am poor, yet i am rich. that i am more than a conquerer.
in You.

i know that You are strong and beautiful, gracious and slow to anger, and that in Your anger, You do not sin. You are love. You are the Word made flesh. You are the savior and redeemer and light of the world. the Creator of the universe, the Prince of Peace, and so much more.
and You are in me.

may our joy and Your joy be complete. may we seek first Your kingdom and Your righteousness. give us discernment to face the day and wisdom to face our lives. may we be who we want to be. may we not be afraid to live the life we were made to live. may we live to the full.
in You.

o, that You would rend the heavens and come down. o, that You would finish the restoring of Your creation, and may the crown of creation flourish. may the people rejoice. may all who have breath praise You. may everything be "more than fine" - may everything be glorious. o, that You would make our feet like hind's feet upon the high places.

may we do well - better than well - better than best - in our studies. may You put a burning desire in us to spread Your Word. give L- a passion. may E- and H- be restored here and now. may S- be supportive of E- and I-. give M- confidence in You. grant G- rest. may F- find the final answer and may You give them a second chance, and if You do not judge them, let no one else judge them.

may i not judge what You do not. may i not condone what You do not. may i not act out what You do not. may my feet be shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace. may i not like what You do not. may i love all whom You love. may i never forsake the soul that leans on You for repose even though all hell should endeaver to shake it.

o, God, i want so much, and i want to be so much. may i want what You want and may my wants be satisfied.

to Jesus Who knows all things:

2008-09-01T09:47:00.002-05:00

may i be a witness of You today and always. may i write and speak and perform only the truth. may i not be an accuser of the brethren. may we be a generation who seeks Your Face. Your kingdom come. come through me. come through we.

"let the high praises of God be in their mouth, and a two-edged sword in their hand." -Psalm 149:6 may we be vigilent and bold and courageous. may we not lose heart. may we do our homework aas unto You. may we socialize as unto You. may we do whatever we do - sing, dance, study, take showers, work, exercize, love - unto You. may our lives be our worship to You.

may my family be a blessing to seven people today. may my church family be a blessing to seven million people today. may M- not be terriefied but strong and courageous. may L- live his life to the full. protect my family.

may it be said and be true that we love You and we love each other. always. may i be a light in the darkness even when i'm having a bad day, even when J- is in the wrong. may i forgive when i am hurt. give me the strength to be able to allow others to lean on me.

whatever it was that made G- cry, may she know that that situation is for her good. may she be strong and civilized. may we all behave well according to Your will.

i want You to come down and rend the heavens and do wonders and be glorious to all the world now, but even if You do not come down now may i praise You. may i treat You as You ought to be treated.

to Jesus Who treasures my heart:

2008-08-25T21:10:00.002-05:00

may i be disciplined enough to excell in all that i do. may i do all that i do as unto You. may i not be lacking in anything. open up ways for me to make friends this year and to bring little lost ones to You. help all my teachers and classmates and acquaintances to be blessed through me and through other ways as well. help my family to hold together tightly and be a good example to all our neighbors.

help K and H to stop cussing - clean their insides so that what comes out is clean. clean this town that You have sent me to - may i be able to say "i saw God wash the world last night." stand up for Your children and may Your children stand up for You! may i love You always. may i never be ashamed of loving You. You are my anchor in the storm - may i never let go of You.

may i have faith. may You move mountains. may i hold to Your precepts. may You give me discernment in order to understand Your precepts. may i not be legalistic, hypocritical, worldly, or mislead. may i guard my heart above all else. may i be as wise as serpents and as gentle as doves. may E and A receive what they truly desire, and may they have the patience to wait for it even until the end.

to Jesus, a light unto my feet:

2008-08-21T18:55:00.002-05:00

may i be happy and content in the place where i now find myself. may my family treat each other in a civilized manner, and may we hit the ground running and role with the punches. may we trust You, and have each other's backs. may we not be terrified nor afraid. may You be with us wherever we go. may we meditate on Your Word day and night - may we not let Your Word depart from our mouths. may You heal H-. be with D-.

this is my prayer, my desperate prayer: what should i pray? what is my purpose? what is my mission? whatever it is, may i exceed it.

to Jesus, under Whose wings i trust:

2008-08-15T18:09:00.003-05:00

may we not turn away to mere discussion nor pay attention to myths and endless genealogies nor teach strange doctrines. may the goal of our instruction be love from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith. may we hide Your Word in our hearts and meditate on it day and night.

may S- know You before You take him away. may L- be comforted and strong. help my family in and through this time to work, and may we work as unto You. fight for us, and lead us not into temptation; pour into us extra grace so that we may have extra grace for each other. may our extended families become like cities set on hills.

may A- and B- be the medium through which You pour out the renewal of hearts. may W- be a great beacon of hope in Europe - send hope, faith, and love to Europe. give J- direction and passion. bless E- and D- and their families - may they be faithful to the end.

thank You that E- and D- received what we prayed that You would give them. may that whole situation be a blessing to all the churches involved. may we remember and set our resolve upon the fact that faith is blind.

bless my house to be a place where wonders and mysteries are revealed. may we not be afraid for the terror by night nor for the arrow that flieth by day nor for the pestilence that walketh in darkness nor for the destruction that wasteth at noonday.

bless MC- to be full of Your grace and truth, and bless FH- to walk in obedience to You and be fierce, loving, fearless, kind. may i love You always.

to Jesus Who became flesh and dwelt among us:

2008-08-07T17:00:00.002-05:00

thank You for treasuring my heart. thank You that everything You have done i have done since i am now in You as You are in me. i feel as if i do not deserve to have done the things You have done, but You love me and want me to be happy. You value me - wow.

i caught a glimpse of how my life could be filled with doing good things - may i be the ultimate rennaissance woman. may we remember to think in terms of "we" instead of "i." may we keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. may every moment that we live be filled and overflowing with good things - we desire Your blessings. "mercy-drops 'round us are falling, but for the showers we plead."

You tell me to ask, so i'm asking: i want to paint gloriously, to write only the truth in all the things that You will give me to write, to plant a garden all in white, to see beyond my sight, to be You to everyone, to have several good friends, to attempt many feats and excel in many areas, to accept who You made me to be, to be contagiously joyful, to be like You.

may S- be Your friend. may E- always be passionate. may our dreams come true. may i truly care. may L- rest and be comforted. may You show J- what Your will for his life is and may he do it. may B- become more confident, strong, and mature in You. may W- point many to You. may M- enlighten many. may Q- do hard things for You. may R- be a discoverer. may P- be saved from complacency. may A- be set free from bitterness and lowself-esteem. may C- teach only the truth. may we all be friends and add more friends.

may we all truly care. may there be more and more people who are fully alive with no empty eyes.

Holy, holy, holy are You Who was and is and is to come.

good will toward men

to Jesus, for Whom i am beside myself:

2008-08-02T18:34:00.002-05:00

thank You for giving me something better to do in place of my sin - something more interesting and way more fun and challenging. help me not to be prideful, but to rise to the occasion for which i was placed in my situation.

please help the situation with D- to turn out all for the good of those who are called according to Your purpose. may You be glorified in this that the gossip does not spread.

may L- ever praise You. help her to fight. may she continue to grow. fight for her now. may she be a light in dark places. may the dreams of E- and me come true. may we be good friends. may people dare to desire again.

may there be restoration and community and justice on earth. may we be content yet not too easily pleased. change my life - make it better. may i not waste my life. may every single one of my actions, thoughts, words praise You - may my life be my worship to You.

o, God, i feel so; i want so! i do feel like a sea lion in the desert. in my dreams, i am in slow motion while the world is passing me by; in my dreams, i am powerless. You tell me that i am not powerless - may i act on that knowledge.

here am i - send me. i am planning on going, but am willing to stay. teach me, for i know so little.

help that little girl not to be afraid or discouraged - may she not lose heart. thank You that Your mercies are new every morning. may i love You always.

to Jesus Who has glorified me:

2008-07-31T12:59:00.002-05:00

fight the war now, for i know the battle rages, but i also know that You can win it if You are willing. may L- know that he needs You, that he cannot do anything without You, that he will not make it without You.

bless C- to love and be loved all her life - may she love You desperately always.
may we seek You while You may be found - surely in a rage of waters You will not be found.
may those who are free feel free, and may those who are not free feel trapped so that they may find You and escape.
may we be all that we can be, especially my family; may our joy be contagious.
may the world be healed - may Your kingdom come soon. o, that You would rend the heavens and come down...that You would heal my heart! but i'll go through the fire if You want me to.
let it begin! let it begin with me!
bless H- to be better than the best.
may my family's cup overflow. may i hold no one back, but may i get them there faster.
may everyone's eyes be open.
may i persevere to the end.
take away this downcast spirit.

good will to men

to Jesus Who takes my sin away:

2008-07-25T17:23:00.002-05:00

i consciously know that You have taken my sin away from me, but i feel unworthy now...of everything. i consciously know many things, but i know few things - or many other things - subconsciously. the conscious and the subconscious contradict in me, but You are a God of order, and You do not want me to be confused - then tell me what is true! tell me subconsciously.

i'm sorry. You say i don't need to be.
this is so odd - should i share my relationship with You to the whole world? are some things too personal for them? ok. help me to be discerning - You say i don't need to be - You will be for me. it is true that You Are Everything i need, yet You are separate from Your creation.

speak to me. knowing that You are there gives me joy. thank You for pony tail holders. please make me beautiful - maybe i do not know what that process would entail. i now know that it is worth it.

give us one heart and put a new spirit within us. may my soul not be downcast. perfect me. may i only be ready for it to be over when You are. may my most creative years be all my years. may i not touch anything unclean. o, God, help me.

to Jesus by Whom all things have their being:

2008-07-18T11:48:00.002-05:00

You gave me speech and language and communication and understanding so that i may be in communion with others - may i use these to their full extent, yet not destroy myself (Eccl. 7:16). may i learn all that i can without learning too much, and may i apply that learning to the good of You and those You love.

may i do and say what You would have me to - may i not be ashamed - may i be successful and lovely. may i not be a fool. may we not waste our lives. may this generation be one that seeks Your face, o God of Jacob.

may there be a novel. may we not be bored - may we be selfless and love each other as ourselves. may You reveal to us something new. thank You for giving me a heart of flesh - give this generation a heart of flesh instead of a heart of stone.

o, that You would rend the heavens and come down that the mountains might tremble before You! open this generations eyes as You did to Elisha's servant - may they see the war around us. open the eyes of L-.

bless the trips of D- and the Romanians. may this happening rock the world - may a spiritual revolution start because of their faith. may the importance of the heart and You be emphasized more.

turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and the hearts of the children to thier fathers.
may i be in earnest.

to Jesus Who loves me and wants to make me happy:

2008-07-15T11:31:00.004-05:00

contend, O Lord, with those who contend with me. may i seek peace and pursue it; may i live at peace with all men as far as it depends on me.

i commit my way to You; i trust You. i trust You to bring forth my righteousness as the light, and my judgement as the noonday. You've got me - You won't let me fall. i hope to see You one day.

thank You for clouds and sunsets and sunrises - thank You for making them especially for me. Your mercies are new each day. may i be creative and relational as You are creative and relational.

may i be in You and You in me as You are in the Father and the Father is in You. may we dance the "i in you and you in me" dance. may i endure to the end so that i may receive my name.

it is all about You and to You and from You and for You. i don't know so many things, but i know that nothing You do is easy. You are not a God of disorder but of order - any confusion i experiance is not of You. teach me Your ways - teach me.

You have made me fearfully and wonderfully - may i take care of Your creation. may You be exalted in me.
may i remember to say "we." in other words, may i love others as myself.

to God my strength:

2008-07-10T07:15:00.003-05:00

because You do not change, may i stay strong in Your Word, being fitted about with Your whole armor. may J- not be angry - wake up his spirit! and give him strength and energy.

may the church wake up and be strong and be! You are my everything - You are my life, You hold me together, You cause breath to be in me, You are my strength. i want so much, but You are so much more. may i seek first Your kingdom and Your righteousness.

give us this day our daily bread. purify the mouth of B- like Isaiah's vision, and may she go for You. bless her family and may she continue to be happy. i don't get my energy from monster drinks or food or water or rest, but from Your food and Your drink and Your rest and Your peace that passes understanding - breathe into me today.

here am i - send me. may M- become a Christian, a follower of Jesus. may K- and N- stop smoking. may S- rise up and be a little You. bless her and everyone she touches.

may we proclaim and perform the true gospel. may we love everyone the way You love everyone. may we become what You want us to be. help K- to praise you in the difficult times and in the quiet times and in the peaceful times and in the fun times. help us all to praise You always, for You are always worthy. may we love You with ourselves and love our neighbors as ourselves.

fight for me. o! that You would rend the heavens and come down that the mountains would tremble before You! as fire kindles brushwood, as fire causes water to boil, come down! Your kingdom come! Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven! You take away our sins and give us something better to do - something totally fun instead of painful. You are totally fun!

may we all get to know You better and realize the person that is You. may we find You when we seek for You with our whole heart.

love You!

to the God Who does not change:

2008-07-06T17:25:00.002-05:00

Why must i be so moody? why must i cry? You know where i am better than i do. You can see my path clearly from beginning to infinity - keep me straight and steadfastly on it.

God, i am on the brink - don't let me fall again! i know that You are not tempted neither do You tempt any man, but lead me not into temptation, and deliver me from evil. May we keep Your joy burning in our hearts.

may we spread the seed of the gospel - the good news - may we through it as far as we can and drop it on our native land. may we be wonderful witnesses for You. may we know that we are wonderfully made.

may our hearts be alive - as alive as we can be. i am i. i am not someone else. may i succeed in remembering and acting upon this. may we live as though we had the ability to - for we do possess that if we know You. may we get to know Your Heart more every day.

may i learn from rebuke; may i not be selfish; may You replace my interest in myself with interest for others. may i not be embarrassed - may i not be put to shame - may i be a workman without cause to be ashamed. i feel so ashamed, so stupid, so wrong. may i learn from my mistakes, but may you take these feelings away.

resolve my conflicts - fight for me; and may i be still.

to Him Who sends the snow from heaven and Whose Word will not return to Him void:

2008-06-30T07:28:00.002-05:00

God, may I love You and those whom You love with all my heart. May I live with all my being; may I be with all of me.
Defend me against the evil one: "Greater is He that is in you than he that is in the world." I trust that every word of Yours is true. May I get to know You with all my heart so that I can discern what are Your words and what are not.
Help my relationships: may I live at peace with all men as far as it depends on me and may I speak words that turn away wrath.
Help and bless B-.
Heal and protect M-.
O, that You would bless me indeed and increase my territory.
Bless my family to keep the Spirit of unity in the bond of peace. Bless E- to take heart and not be afraid to love.
Heal and protect and bless and love P-.
Shine on all my coworkers, and may I be a blessing to all that I come in contact with.
May I not be ashamed of the gospel of Jesus.
May Your kingdom come - may I always see it.
Bless W- to be a wonderful whitness for You and to be a blessing to many and to be used of You to bring many to Yourself. May he get to know You well.
Bless J- with a passion and a vision and may You carry that good work that You began in him to completion.
May we all be Your good friends - Your covenant partners - Your people who have Your back.
Bless us to have right and true motives.
In Jesus Name,
Amen

June 27 Prayer

2008-06-27T04:31:00.002-05:00

to the One Who does not despise the afflitction of the afflicted:

help me to be vigilent an to put on Your whole armor so that I may withstand all the wiles of the devil. may i never become calloused and may i be still in the quiet times.

bless P- help her and heal her; may she know Your grace and peace; may her children rise up and call her blessed - may they all shine like the stars.

thank You for walks and runs and yogurt; thank You for my job and my boss and my coworkers - may i accomplish the mission You have set for me, and may all that i do be blessed, and may i role with the punches.

may i persevere, may i withstand to the end, may i be thourough, may i be worker who does not need to be ashamed. may i grow into my name.

You are so much - i cannot express. may i worship You in spirit and in truth.

bless E and T - may they know that there is one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all.

may we know and believe in our hearts that You love us and would never do anything to hurt us.

may i agape You always

You know me.

June 21 Prayer

2008-06-21T18:25:00.003-05:00

To the One Who rules the rules of science:

Thank You for waffles "Do ya like waffles? Yeah, we like waffles!"

Thank You for music, lemonade, summer, diet peach green tea, frogs, monkeys, and purses.

Please help me to be joyful - may Your joy be my strength - strength, we'll be needing that to move the piano today - help us not to faint, but to accomplish the task with speed and accuracy.

Thank You for pianos. Speaking of, please help me to practice the guitar and the piano like a mad woman. And may my imagination be expressed in my book exactly.

Thank You for knitting - may I finish my blanket soon so that I can start on the tree skirt and stockings and ornaments.

May Mom be content yet no too easily pleased - may she strive toward the goal so that she may receive the prize. May all my family do the same.

May we live life and live it abundantly. May we never forget. May we be vigilent and fight the good fight.

Give us this day our daily bread and lead us not into temptation!

May I be faithful to the end - may we all be found faithful.

O! That You would rend the heavens and come down that the mountains might tremble before You! May Your will be done in my life and in the lives of my family. May Your glory be revealed in me. May Your beauty shine from my face.

Come, Lord Jesus!

Today's prayer

2008-06-20T20:01:00.000-05:00

To the One Who knows all things:

One person came to the Bible study on Thursday night other than me.

I want to go to Bob Jones University next fall.

I want to knit a tree skirt and matching stockings and tree ornaments, but before I do that I need to finish my purple blanket.

After much anticipation, I bought Waking the Dead by John Eldredge today and began to read it.

My cousin just called and asked me if I and my brother wanted to go to Six Flags tomorrow. Six Flags is always a good idea, but I have two previous engagements.

Mom is watching Spanglish - a movie that I neither see the point of nor care about the point of.

To practice the guitar and write my book, I need.

May I never forget the desires You placed in me, nor forsake the passions You entrusted to me.

May You bless everyone I come in contact with; may my cup overflow.

May we keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace.

May I be mature and humble; You are my strength - You hold me in place.

May I be like a little child; may I not be too easily pleased.

You have not given me a spirit of fear; please take away my depression.

May I agape You always as You do me.

Disney World Marathon 2009

2008-06-16T11:37:00.000-05:00

I just realized that Team in Training (benefitting the Leukemia Society) is going to do the Walt Disney World 2009 Marathon!
I so want to run it with them!
But my parents don't want me to because I would be training during college, but I think I can find a way around this.
To raise money for the Leukemia Society, I have some interesting ideas such as a fishing tournament and a holiday ball. I am really excited about the latter.
The Disney Marathon has particularly caught my interest because in it one runs through all four Disney World parks, and he receives a Micky Mouse shaped medal for finishing.
I hope this works out; I hope I can do it; I hope, O, I hope.

Random verse discussion

2008-06-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

"Thou hast given him his heart's desire, and Thou hast not withheld the request of his lips. For Thou dost meet him with the blessings of good things; Thou dost set a crown of fine gold upon his head. He asked life of Thee, Thou didst give it to him, length of days forever and ever."
-Psalm 21:2-4 NASB

Beside this verse I have written the date April 6, 2008. Whenever I write a date next to a verse in my Bible, I do so because on that date, that verse spoke to me. I do this in order to remember which verses God used to speak to me about a question or a request I had or just to speak to me.

I remember that on April 6, I was asking God to give me life and life abundantly according to John 10:10, in which Jesus states, "I came that they might have life, and might have it abundantly." I was pleading with God that he might make me to shine like the stars in the heavens, and this was His reply to me.

My crazy dream

2008-06-07T11:14:00.000-05:00

I posted this on April 21st on www.ransomedheart.com/forum

I had a wopper dream last night.
I was on a ladies retreat, and while reading over the devotional material, I walked into Stasi Eldredge's yard. After I walk around the yard, Stasi comes out and I do something for her (I don't remember what, but it was like pick up sticks in the yard), then we walk around to the other side of the house, and I do something else for her. By this time, she's so impressed at my abilities, that she says, "Perhaps you can cook as well." And so we go in her house and I cook. She decides to hire me to cook, clean, and keep the yard. (Her husband and her boys are gone on a speaking tour of some kind.) So I go out to pick up the yard some more and I'm swamped by all these dogs wanting my attention. Then I realize that some of the supposed dogs were children who had climbed over the fence into the yard. Then my parents come and John and the boys get back from the tour bringing others with them. Then the children in the yard turn into an army of children and they go storming this magical cave, and it's like I'm in the middle of reading their story. I look into the cave, and standing there is this magical peacock/octopus creature that was brightly colored. The creature says something like, "I'm glad that you have come - I don't get to meet many beings that can rationally think, and I tire of these stupid creatures that grow on me. (All over this creature were little mouth-like creatures which the peacock/octopus ate.) Then my dad enters the cave with a group of men from Stasi's house and discovers that this cave is vast and contains every kind of activity that anyone could ever want. He loves it there and only comes out on Sundays to eat a salad with my mother and me. Then Mom goes into the cave and loves it as well. Mom and Dad decide to put on this shirt which if put on makes one stay in the cave forever. They try to convince me to put on the shirt as well. I am skeptical - I have a job with Stasi and I have friends on the outside world. But the longer I stay in the cave, the more I forget about all that. This is what the cave was like: a Dr. Suess book which contained large rooms for meetings about helping people discover their talents/who they were and many many other rooms full of fun things to do. If you have seen the movie Hook and remember the part in which Peter Pan finally starts beleiving in the food and the food appears - all yellow and blue and red and green and orange - that was what the food in the cave was like, and it was the most delicious food ever. All this time I am going back and forth visiting my parents in the cave and working in the outside world, but I soon find that the people in the outside world are forgetting me. I never chose which world to live in, but at the end of the dream, I'm leaning towards the cave. This was one of the most vivid dreams I've ever had.

Transitions

2008-06-07T09:20:00.000-05:00

Buna Zewa!
This summer is a transitional phase in my family's existence. For insatance, three out of four of us are preparing to move to a college town and to go to college in that town. The other fourth of us is preparing to spend six weeks in Romania; part of that preparation includes either building a seven acre lake or moving a dirt pit entirely. All four of us are trying to sell our property so that we can do all these things.

It comes down to this: my parents wish to become misssionaries to Romania, which means that my brother and I need to get ready to either live in Romania or become much more independent of our parents.

Whereas I would like to live in Romania, I think that my brother would like to take the become-independent route.

Things to work on this summer:
guitar
photography
writing a book
finding a place to live in the college town
knitting